The Damsel and the Distressed
by kaleidoscope heart
Summary: What happens when an author who hates selfinserts becomes, well, a self insert? An amazing story of pirate love? Uh... probably not. Correct grammar? Uh... hopefully. Some funny situations between the Captain and a slightly anal English major? HECK YEAH!
1. Chapter 1

Author's notes: Well here I am, writing not only my first POTC fanfiction, but also a self-insert as that! But who, may I ask, could write a self-insert better than an author who hates self-inserts? Well, ok, so that argument doesn't make much sense but I hope you like it anyways. If I get some reviews on this I'll happily continue (no use writing it if no one likes it!)and if you promise to read it I promise to try my best to make it entertaining.

Oh, and one last thing. I feel like I need to interject here and note that there are some very funny, very good self-insert stories out there. For example: Leanan Sidhe stories "Of Heaven and Hell" (From Hell fic) and "Third Times the Charm" (POTC) are very funny and, even though I'm not finished with the latter, have entertained me greatly. So I'm not knocking all of it, alright?

Now please... someone read this! lol

_**The Damsel and the Distressed**_

**Chapter One**

It was three o'clock in the morning, and I was sitting cross-legged on the floor with my lap top in front of me. It had been an incredibly long day at work (I work in collections for a credit card company, meaning I spend my entire day being cursed, yelled at, or hung up on) and once home I had went through all of my cabinets looking for a suitable snack. I eyed the bottle of vodka for a moment, considering, and finally grabbed the peanut butter instead. Before I knew it I was in my sweat pants and tank top, eating peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon, and reading Pirates of the Caribbean fanfiction.

What an exciting life I lead.

I had already read most of the decent stories out there, and all that was left was shameless self-inserts or Mary Sues. It was depressing. Captain Jack Sparrow was one of the most interesting characters to ever come out of a Disney movie and here we were stuck with the same boring old stories about saving the damsel in distress and pirates falling in love! I licked the spoon clean and again contemplated my vodka. Truth is, I'm a bit anal about my grammar and I'm picky about my story lines, but when tipsy I couldn't give a damn. Cross the line from tipsy to drunk, however, and I couldn't care less about reading at all!

So I sat there... and I sat there... too lazy to even get up for the vodka, too tired to fall asleep, and too scared to write my own Pirates story. What if it turned out to be like one of those self-insert stories, where I wrote myself in (only much funnier, much prettier, with a slightly smaller ass and much larger breasts) and Jack fell in love with me and all the pirates wanted to be friends with me and I learned to swordfight but Jack was always saving me at the last moment and we fell in love with each other and...

Well really, that didn't sound all that bad. I mean, don't get me wrong... it sounded _bad._ Horrible really. Self-indulgent. But thinking on it, it beat the hell out sitting in my living room wearing my pajamas and eating peanut butter off a spoon. A small adventure, even an imaginary one, would certainly liven things up a bit in my life. I contemplated some more, and finally got up for the vodka.

Mixing it with orange juice made it taste a bit better, but the drink still burned the whole way down. It only took two glasses full to make me feel fairly drunk (I'm a light weight, and not ashamed to admit it) and I took my third back with me to the computer, reading a little and giggling a lot. I suddenly didn't want to write some imaginary fantasy, I wanted it to be real, I wanted to be there, I wanted to be with them! I could suddenly understand why all those horrible stories got written! Those writers, like I did now, longed to be part of something bigger, more important than the same old, same old of everyday life. And it wasn't their fault that they came up with trite story lines, they were just doing what made them happy and it was important to be happy in life very important yes important like cheese, cheese is important and suddenly I wondered if we had any cheese and I was standing up to look when I fell back down on the floor and realized with a start...

I was drunk. Very, very drunk. So I did the only thing I could.

I giggled again.

"Yo ho, yo ho," I sang softly, skipping into the kitchen, looking for cheese. But when I got there I forgot what I was looking for so poured myself another glass of vodka and orange juice instead.

Finally I settled back down in front of the computer, lying on my stomach with my arms propped up on my elbows. Smiling, I opened up my Microsoft Word, knocked the jar of peanut butter out of the way, and typed the words **_I want an adventure_** along the top of the page. I looked at the words for a minute and a shudder ripped through me, shaking the smile from my face. I waited a long moment afterward, my breath coming out fast, and when I was completely convinced that I had imagined the silly feeling of trepidation in my drunken state, I smiled slowly and laid my head down on the keyboard. I hoped for a moment that I wouldn't drool on the keys, but the thought was only that, just a passing fancy really, and I had no motivation to move from my position. Curling up a bit tighter into a ball, I smiled and began to hum...

"A pirate's life for me," I whispered.

And then I was asleep.

* * *

I woke up the next morning, dreading the day before I even opened my eyes. I had to work at 1:30, the dishes hadn't been done, and I was pretty sure I didn't have any clean blue jeans to wear. Not to mention the fact that my head was pounding like a drum set and CHRIST ALMIGHTY WHO WAS SCREAMING IN MY EAR?

I jerked awake as suddenly as if I'd had cold water doused on me only to find out, well, that I had. My entire body was soaking from head to toe, dripping in cold sea water. My mind hadn't had time to adjust to everything around me yet, all it could think clearly was that I was going to get evicted from my apartment for ruining the carpet and I was going to go to jail for murdering whoever it was that saw fit to wake me by dumping water over my head.

"Just what the HELL do you think..." and that was it. That was all I got out. Because standing above me, around me, completely surrounding me, was a group of the nastiest men I've ever seen in my life, and one of them was holding an empty water bucket. I gaped at them, taking in their clothing, their matted hair, their ear rings and their capped teeth, not quite believing anything I saw. My mind jumped to ten million conclusions in the space of a second: they were lunatics, escaped from some local asylum; they were outlaws, dressed like pirates for their gang; or, I was dreaming, fabricating the whole thing, just a drunken fantasy from the privacy of my home. I hesitated, liking that idea.

"Well hello poppet," one of the totally fabricated, completely in my mind, not really a pirate, pirates said to me. I looked down, noticing I was still wearing the sweat pants and tank top from the night before and... dammit! My breasts and ass were exactly the same size as they were before! I was a writer for Christ's sake! I was supposed to have a better imagination than this!

"Thought ye'd stowaway on the Black Pearl, eh? Well it's the last mistake you'll be making lass. The cap'n don't tolerate freeloaders on 'is ship! To yer feet or we'll drag you up ourselves!" One of the other totally fabricated, completely in my mind, not really a pirate, pirates said, looking pointedly at my breasts through the soaked shirt. 'I really wouldn't imagine that,' I thought, depressed. Or maybe I would. It would be just like me to go to sleep thinking about hot outlaw pirates and instead have a dream where totally unsexy, toothless pirates stared at my (still unimpressive) chest.

I started to stand, wobbling a bit and realizing for the first time that the tiny room we were in was moving. I was on a ship! With pirates! And I still had a hangover!

I gripped my head angrily, scowling and muttering. The fantasy to beat all fantasies and here I was in the middle of it with an aching head and a rolling stomach.

"This is my dream and I want my hangover to go away right now, ya hear!" I shouted, to God only knows who. The God of bad fanfiction perhaps, if there was such a thing. The men around me looked at me like I was crazy and I was starting to believe they might be right. Where was Captain Jack Sparrow anyways? Shouldn't he be showing up anytime now, saving me from uncertain doom and very certain pervy pirates?

One of them grabbed my arm roughly and yanked me in the direction of a set of stairs, expecting me to follow. My arm hurt in the place where his fingers were still clenched and even with my hangover I thought that sensation felt a little too realistic for my liking. Ignoring the stench that was rolling off of them in waves (another thing just a little too authentic for me) I let them drag me up the stairs to the main deck, not fighting because I still wanted to believe it couldn't be real but feeling the dread build inside of my stomach all the same. The sunlight was bright in my eyes, blinding me and drilling into my head, causing my whole body to feel like one aching wound. I was thrown to the floor at the feet of another pirate and when I felt my palms fill with splinters I began to entertain the very scary idea that this wasn't a dream at all.

"Look cap'n, a stowaway. 'e found her lying in the brig, sleeping like a baby. Wot you think we should do wit her cap'n?" one of the pirates leered. I looked at the boots of the man in front of me, fascinated, scared to look up because I knew who I would see and not knowing how I could explain that to my already fragile sanity. But part of me was relieved because I knew this was my way of finding out for sure just what was going on... because if this was my dream, my badly written fanfic fantasy, then I would look up and Captain Jack would be smiling down at me. He would take my hand, defend me to the crew, allow me to sleep in his cabin, and all would be peaches. So I looked up.

It was Captain Jack, but he wasn't even looking at me, let alone smiling. He was staring at his compass in deep concentration, shaking it a little when he didn't see what he wanted. Annoyed, he looked up at his men and waved his hand in that way of his, the way that was all Jack Sparrow and a little bit silly looking.

"Stowaway then? Well, overboard with her mates, then back to yer places."

The men laughed and began to move. What seemed like one thousand hands reached for me at once and I was outraged and scared.

"Excuse me?" I shrieked, and Jack finally looked down at me lying there in a heap, my hair disheveled and my clothes soaking wet. I wanted to say so much more than that but that was all I could get out because he was looking at me now and the effect was a little overwhelming.

"No worries love, it's not a long swim to shore. You'll make it in no time," he told me, smiling infuriatingly.

"But... but... I..." I faltered, unsure how to respond to that. "I'm not a very good swimmer!" I finally exclaimed. It was a silly point, as if a pirate who was perfectly willing to throw a girl off his ship and into the sea cared about what happened to her afterwards. Jack seemed to think it was silly also. He smiled widely, his gold teeth gleaming in the morning sun as his eyes swept up and down my wet body and my see-through shirt. My cheeks burned at the blatant way he examined all of me.

"Try the breast stroke, love," he said finally, and the crew burst into merry laughter. They reached for me quickly and carried me to the side of the ship. Raising me on their shoulders, still laughing and yelling, I closed my eyes as they prepared to dump me overboard, waiting only for the inevitable crash into the water that would signal that my adventure was coming to an end before it had even begun.

This was the worst dream ever.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Yay, first off, thanks for all the lovely reviews! I definately would not have had the nerve to write a second chapter without them so again, thank you! Secondly, and this is kind of strange, but this story is not going in quite the direction I thought it was going to be going in. For one thing, it actually has a plot and is not so much a mindless parody. For another thing, it's not completely a self insert. I tried to do it (and she is a lot like me) but I just couldn't make her exactly like me. So there ya go. But I still think it's going to be funny and even kind of exciting. Don't worry though... still no mindless, silly romances between the characters. Maybe just a bit of sexual tension, cause it's fun ;)

(Or perhaps a non-mindless, unsilly romance between characters? At this point, who knows?)

Lastly, please review! I'm horribly addicted to them. It's a bit embarrassing really.

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from POTC, but this plot is my own.**

_**The Damsel and the Distressed**_

**Chapter Two**

I closed my eyes and held my breath, waiting for the point where their hands would leave me and I would rush towards the cold bite of the water. For the first time that morning, since everything had begun, I felt like I was fully awake and that this could all be real. I was suddenly aware of everything: the sway of the ship as they walked, the grip of the pirates hands on my arms and thighs, even the cool touch of my locket that had been a gift from my dad against my chest. It was just a simple silver heart with a clasp that opened and room enough for a small picture, but I had never gotten around to putting one in it and with a pain I realized I might never have the chance. Because now it seemed I was hundreds of years in the past of a fictional world, about to fly over the edge of a boat into (what I could only assume) were shark-filled waters. So maybe a picture in a locket shouldn't have been on my list of priorities just then... it was still damn sad.

They had just pulled back in preparation of launching me over when a familiar voice broke through the jeers of the other pirates.

"Er wait," Jack said, swaying forward with his hands out. He had a familiar look on his face as he studied me for a second but then he smiled and it was all nonchalance. The men stopped, a few of them groaning, perhaps because they had been looking forward to throwing me over, perhaps because they were tired of holding me. I was too surprised to even struggle.

"Wot's yer name, love? Ye look familiar."

My mind raced, unsure. For some reason even I couldn't understand, I didn't want to tell him my real name.

"Aren't you going to ask if you've ever threatened me before?" I asked crossly. He smiled at me and gestured to the men to throw me over.

"Mary!" I shrieked, blurting the first name that came to my mind before they could toss me overboard. Inside, I winced. _Yeah, and my middle name is Sue. _"Mary Bennett."

"And where are ye from, Mary Bennett?"

He was stepping closer and closer now, and the men were moving to open up the circle so he could approach us closer still. The two who were holding my legs released me suddenly with unintelligible mutters and I would have fallen to the ground if it hadn't been for the two men still holding my arms. I searched for an answer in my mind, my head down and my thoughts overwhelmed, thinking: _has the damn American Revolution even taken place yet? Is America even America yet? Christ I knew I should have listened in that stupid history class but it was just all pilgrims and puritans and stupid fucking turkeys and it was right before lunch and I was always hungry and sleepy in that class and the girl next to me always smelled bad and the boy two rows down from me was so cute and it was no wonder I couldn't pay attention I mean my GOD what did they expect from_

The pirate on my left shook me sharply from my crazy thoughts.

"Answer the cap'n when he's speaking to ya lass, if you know wot's good fer ya!"

"Far away," I said stupidly. "Very far away. You've probably never even heard of it."

The group of men laughed and my face burned. Jack stepped closer still and bent down in front of me. He was still handsome in a dark kind of way but if I'm going to be completely honest... well, he didn't smell so great. And I don't mean in a "sexy but dirty" kind of way. I mean he smelled _bad_. In a "I haven't bathed in a few months" kind of way, and he probably hadn't.

But those thoughts left my mind abruptly when his hand came up and tangled itself in my long, brown hair. For a moment he looked thoughtful, then his gaze came up to the beauty mark above my lip on the left side, gazing at it for a long time and making me feel uncomfortable. When I was little I had hated it, but eventually over time I had grown to accept it and even like it a little. It made me unique. Well, almost. If you didn't count Cindy Crawford. And trust me when I say, that's the ONLY thing Cindy and I have in common.

"The cap'ns been in e'ry ocean in this world and then some," this pirate on my other side said, though he was clearly as confused to what Jack was doing as I was.

"I'm from England," I muttered finally, and Jack smiled again. He knew I was lying, I could see it in his eyes, but somehow he seemed satisfied with the lie. He righted himself once again, standing tall, and my head came up with him.

"Right then. The lass stays. I was in the market for a cook, as it were. Gibbs, I'll be needing a word with ye."

He sauntered away, the click of his boots and the jingle of the trinkets in his hair the only sound. All of us, even me, ESPECIALLY ME, were too shocked to move or speak. He turned back to look at us, turning in that way that made him look like a top about to fall over, and gestured to Gibbs with a quick, almost comical, jerk of the head. Gibbs moved quickly.

The men finally broke from their shock and began to yank me back towards the stairs, grumbling the whole way. A few feet off to the right (you couldn't get very far away on a ship, I was learning) Captain Jack and his first mate were having a whispered conversation. The former gestured wildly to us before they could take me back downstairs to the brig, effectively stopping the men once again.

"To me cabin men. I'll be having a bit of a word with the lass." His eyes flickered up at me and once again I caught that familiar gleam in his eyes. And that was it. I recognized it. It was the same look he had given Will Turner in the movie when he'd realized who his father was. There for a second, then gone. And in its place now was one of his trademark grins.

The pirates dragged me to the Captain's quarters not far away, fear and surprise making my body feel limp. I sat on the bed and let them lock the door behind them without a struggle. Two thoughts were overwhelming in my mind, stomping around like giants until all others had been trampled beneath them, until all that remained was: _who the hell did he think I was? _And _Will he kill me when he finds out he's wrong?_

* * *

I am not a patient person. I have never been a patient person. I don't even like patient people as a personal rule of mine. 

And now he was making me wait, and I was dying.

So I waited for a while, just standing there in the room, thinking and trying to tell myself to not do anything stupid, anything to get myself in a worse mess than I already was. But like Alice said when she fell down the rabbit hole, I often give myself very good advice, but I seldom ever follow it. So after just a fewminutes of waiting patiently, I found myself going through the good Captain's belongings. Anything to take my mind off of the fact that he obviously thought I was someone else, someone important, who he needed and couldn't be allowed to be thrown off a ship. Not wanting to think that instead I was very much a stranger and thoroughly unimportant, and sure to be of little use to him. Not wanting to admit to myself that there might be no getting out of this one.

There was a desk against the far wall, and the first drawer in it was filled with a variety of useless objects: a few broken quill pens with some empty ink wells, various trinkets and trash, and some scraps of parchment, all crumpled up. The next drawer was marked "Emergency Use," and was filled with rum. The last drawer was empty except for a small knife and one more crumpled piece of paper. On impulse, I pulled the paper out of the drawer and smoothed it out so I could read it. In a messy scrawl, almost illegible from ink smudges and even a few bloody fingerprints, read the words:

**_The way to the treasure is through her heart._**

My head shot up at the sound of footsteps outside the door and I quickly stuffed the parchment back in the drawer. I was sitting on the bed, my heart trembling and my hands sweating in fear, when the Captain walked through the door to his cabin.

He swayed in, taking the time to pull off his hat and throw it on the desk, promptly ignoring me as his hands moved to take his jacket off as well. I sat there as he pulled it off, waiting for him to say something to me, anything, not wanting to speak out and draw unnecessary attention to myself that might get me thrown overboard. He didn't speak. My heart began to hammer somewhere near my throat as his hands moved to the buttons on his white (well, it had once been white anyway) shirt and I finally opened my mouth to try to speak.

" 'scuse me," I said, but it came out as a croak. He was now kicking his boots off while finishing off the buttons. "Erm..." I tried again, as one boot was flung across the room and banged against the wall. But then I saw it, when he turned to pull the boot off, just a flash of his face. He was smiling! He was trying to make me uncomfortable! I stood quickly, my face blazing.

"Hey Demi Moore, save the striptease for someone else!"

Well that didn't make any sense; I wasn't even sure why I'd said it. Nevertheless, it got his attention. He turned to me, feigning ignorance.

"Well hello love, forgot ye were there," he said, smiling widely. I looked at him, my mouth gaping, my mouth opening and closing likea fish. Finally I found the ability to speak again.

"You are so full of shit, straight up to your eyeballs!" I snarled, pointing; it was something my dad would have said. Jack just smiled harder.

"Aye, that's why they're brown." Now his smile faded slightly, forming into a different kind of smile, one that made me uncomfortable. His other shoe fell from his hand and landed with a loud thud that echoed in the quiet. I shifted backwards, my knees hitting the bed.

"But ye shouldn't be talking about liars and the such, Miss Bennett from England."

There was a dangerous undertone to what he said and I looked at him, not sure what to say. Finally I lifted my head defiantly, staring at him right in the eye. So I was a bad liar, I knew that, but I also knew that the only way I was going to make it out of this alive was for him to continue to think I was whoever he had originally thought. The only way I could do that without knowing who I was supposed to be acting like was to be defiant, to pretend like I had something to hide. I sat on the bed calmly.

"So maybe I'm a liar and a hypocrite then," I said, and forced myself to smile calmly. Now he really looked pleased.

"If that be the case, then yer on the right ship," he said laughing, and turned away, going back to the business of taking his shirt off. "We'll be landing in Tortuga tonight. AnaMaria has some clothes for ye." He spared me a glance at my top but it had dried while I was waiting for him and was no longer see-through. Still, the lack of sleeves must have been quite scandalous in that time. "As much as I like the clothes ye have on now, we can't be letting the men think our new cook is a common strumpet can we?"

I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster, and really, it wasn't that hard. He caught my glare and smiled as he moved to pull on a (very slightly) cleaner shirt, opening his arms in welcome and exposing his chest to me in between the spaces he hadn't buttoned yet.

"Welcome to the Black Pearl love!" he said merrily, and reached for the rum drawer. He stopped when he noticed the bottom drawer slightly ajar, looking up at me without surprise. I shifted on the bed, feeling my pulse race.

I was really going to have to learn how to keep myself out of trouble.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Wow! Even more reviews! does happy little review dance I am so excited that you guys are reading and enjoying this strange little tale. Thanks to: Herculeha, merrybean, Watermelon, Coda, Salsagirl626, lovova, Erin Miranda, Magic-Noise, TheShoelessOne, snufflesgal, Wrathchild, Leanan Sidhe for all reviewing this so far (hope I didn't forget anyone)! Here's to hoping you like it enough to keep doing so. Hopefully I can keep these chapters coming fast but I'm not sure because I'm going to NYC next week! (yay!) If you review alot while I'm gone, I'll try to work on a chapter while I'm there. ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own nothing. Not even correct english.

_**The Damsel and the Distressed**_

**Chapter Three**

I looked down at the clothes I was now wearing, sighing a little as I took in the baggy pants and white shirt. They didn't fit all that well and I was pretty sure they weren't clean, but I wasn't too concerned. If the day had taught me anything it was that none of this was going to go like one of those fanfiction romances. I would not be sweeping Captain Jack Sparrow off his feet, and I was really not sure I wanted to. Running my hands through my hair a little, I lamented being stuck on a boat with no shampoo or hairspray. Not that I'm high maintenance or... ok, so I'm a little freakin' high maintenance when it comes to my hair. Cut me a damn break.

Outside the door of the small cabin, I could hear the men cheering at something and I moved toward the door quickly to see what it could be. Opening it, I gasped as I came face to face with a still smiling Captain Jack.

"Hello love. We'll be heading into Tortuga now." He looked over my outfit, giving me a wide grin and mocking me with a little bow. "Ye look lovely, Mary me lass. Like a full blooded pirate yeself."

I snorted. I actually did. I was sorely tempted to tell the Captain that I had never even had a speeding ticket in my life, let alone pillaged or plundered on the high seas. The only thing that stopped me was knowing that the reference would be completely lost on him.

He looked down at me for a long moment and finally my gaze followed his. He was staring at my locket... well, my locket or my breasts. I couldn't quite be sure. Blushing, I tucked the locket underneath my shirt and buttoned every button except for the top one. There, now _both_ were hidden. I gave him a triumphant look.

He smiled up at me, gold teeth gleaming.

"T'wsnt looking at yer locket, love," he said conversationally, enjoying my blush. And before I could say anything (what could I say to that!), the Captain was walking away to join his men on the main deck, leaving me to follow. I did so, grumbling and cursing the whole way. The newness of all of this was starting to wear off and I was feeling more than a little bitchy.

These pirates didn't know what they were in for.

* * *

I had been in a bar before, but never one like this one. In fact, I was pretty sure that up until this moment, I had thought bars like this didn't even really exist. Of course now, up until that morning I had also thought it was impossible to get sucked back through time into a fictional movie, so today did seem to be my day for standing corrected.

The second we walked through the door, everyone looked up. Men seemed frozen with their drinks in mid-air, women stopped giggling and looked at us with wide eyes, and even two men engaged in a fight stopped momentarily as the crew of the Black Pearl walked in. Jack smiled and everything returned to normal, except for the women who were now cooing like pigeons and making their way over in droves. The man behind the bar was asking us what we wanted as Jack prepared to sit and every seat around him filled with whores. No wonder he had such a big ego! I turned to the older man.

"What have you got?" I asked.

"Rum," he barked, pushing drinks over to two men on my left. I waited for him to continue but he didn't.

"Cosmopolitan?" I asked sarcastically, pretending to think it over. "Bay Breeze? Scotch and Coke?" He looked at me like I was mad and I thought he may be right.

"Rum it is then!" I called, with mock cheerfulness. He slid a dirty mug over to me and I gave him a sarcastic grin, tipping my glass to him.

"Service with a smile," I said, not even caring that he was ignoring me. "Just the way I like it."

Taking my glass, I stopped to take a sip before walking back to Jack and the others. Wonderful. It went down like battery acid and tasted like piss. Yuuuuummmmmy.

Jack smiled when I approached, looking up from the table full of ladies who were enraptured with his every word. It seemed all the other pirates, even Anamaria, had been wise enough to go off on their own and find things to do. Everyone except for me.

"Ah... Miss Bennett. Ladies, this is Miss Mary Bennett. She's from England, as it were."

The girls didn't even look up at me and I couldn't have cared less. Instead I took another drink of the rum and grimaced, feeling it still burn. I knew if I drank enough of it then eventually the nasty taste would go away.

"That's right," I said conversationally, pulling over a chair and wedging it between Jack and a redhead. I'm not usually so bold in real life but rum and time travel had done wonders for my nerves. "Chip-chip-cheerio, jolly good, and all that shite."

The redhead looked like she might kill me when I sat down and Jack looked pleased. I took another large drink of my rum (it was getting slightly better with each one) and watched as the redhead left her chair to perch herself on his lap. She raised her eyebrow as if to say, 'Well, how about that?' I promptly raised my middle finger as if to say... well, no need to explain what I meant by that, now is there?

Feeling bored with the stupid girls and the man who seemed to love every bit of it, I turned slightly in my chair to look around the room. There were all sorts of people here, but I could tell that most or all of them were pirates. The men were like Jack, dirty and unkempt (though I will admit, far less handsome) and the women were all in tight dresses with their hair pulled back, being either barwenches or whores. Anamaria and I were the only two women wearing pants, and I was the only one left in this room. I slumped down farther in my chair and tried to keep my head down so no one would notice me. Something told me that this was the kind of place where you wouldn't want to stand out.

A few men on my left were having a conversation and I couldn't help leaning a bit to hear it.

"So, they can't find her then?" One man said to the other. I couldn't see him but his voice was gruff, deep.

"She left before they got there and left nary a sign where she was going." The second man's voice was not as deep but was every bit as rough, as though he were speaking while parched of thirst. "They found that scrap o' paper with that nonsense on it. Ye know, _the way to the treasure be through her heart_ or summin' like that."

My heart froze and I had to fight to remain nonchalant. I had held that paper in my hands. I had found it in...

"When the old man wouldn't explain, they slit his throat in his bed and left looking for the lass."

I looked to Jack who currently had two girls nuzzled into his chest, one under each arm. Could he have done that? He _was_ a pirate but...

I took a large gulp of my rum, considered, then finished it off. Well, this was just wonderful. It was either be on board with a strange, potential murderer or in a town full of strange, definite murderers. My options were getting better all the time.

"More rum!" I shouted to the bartender. The girls laughed as I nearly fell over trying to get up. "Make it two," I said, gritting my teeth. Getting shit-faced might not really help things, but it would make me forget for at least a little while.

* * *

"You know what your problem is," I said to Jack, pointing to him. It wasn't really a question.

"I don't have a problem," he slurred, smiling. One of the girls was tugging on his arm, trying to get him to go off alone with her. It was safe to say that Jack and I were fairly smashed.

"Your problem," I continued, ignoring him, "is that you are a man. Even if you do walk like a woman." I finished another drink and tried to count the cups to see how many I'd had but the math made my head hurt. Diagonally from me, Jack tilted back to put his feet on the table and would have crashed to the floor if it hadn't been for the women fretting over his every move.

"I do not walk like a woman. I am all man, savvy?" He gave me a perverse grin and I nodded mockingly.

"Right Jack. You are a buffet of manliness." I gestured nonchalantly to his face. "By the way, your eyeliner is running."

His hand came halfway up to his eyes before he stopped it but that was enough. I was sent immediately into peals of giggles that not even the suddenly intense look I was getting from Jack could stop. When I finally had gained control of myself, I continued.

"The problem with men is that they're all liars. They say 'we want strong, smart women. We want someone to keep us on our toes.' But in the end it's always like this." I gestured at the girls. "You all truly want stupid women, who won't argue with you, who will laugh at your dumb jokes and be submissive and make you feel better about yourself. Even you Jack Sparrow. Even you."

There was a fire in his eyes now, even though he was still smiling. The girls looked like they weren't sure if I was trying to offend them or steal their man. A slightly more sober version of me would have realized it was time to stop. As it was, I went on.

"You know what you need Jack Sparrow? I'll tell you what you need. You need a real woman. A woman who won't take all of your crap. A woman who'll tell you how it is and to hell with ya if you don't like it. A woman who..."

"Tell me love," Jack interrupted, and now he didn't look quite so drunk. I wondered if I had been tricked somehow. "Did ye have someone in mind?"

I shifted in my chair under his gaze, _that_ gaze, and now the whores did look nervous. I went to take a drink of my rum only to find it empty.

"I am not nearly drunk enough to answer that question," I told him, trying to appear haughty. He smiled and slapped the table, calling loudly, "More rum!" A few voices nearby laughed and I sighed as the tensions eased.

So I drank another glass of rum, this one more slowly, as I sat at the table with my head propped up in my hand, feeling like it might fall off and roll on the floor if I didn't hold it up. I drifted for a while, seeing people go by, hearing their noisy shouts and laughter but feeling separated from it still all the same. I was drunker than I had ever been before and I didn't really like it.

I opened my eyes some while later to see Jack standing with the redhead who was busy nipping at his ear.

"I'll be needing a room, mate," Jack called cheerfully. I raised my head and looked at him and he once more turned his grin on me. "Will ye be bunking with us, love? There's plenty o' Cap'n to go around!" he said, giving me a look and gesturing at the redhead. I gave him back a look that spoke of anger and intense violence, hoping that look could convey everything I was feeling at that moment, every bitter fear and bit of anger at being stuck between murdering pirates with no way home. He spun back to the man behind the bar, trinkets jingling. The vision made my head spin along with him.

"Two. Two rooms, mate."

The bartender slid the keys across the bar and Jack slid some coins back to him. Sighing, I laid my head down among the empty glasses and closed my eyes, thinking how sad it was that this was the second time in two days that I was falling asleep drunk off my ass.

And that was the last thought I had for a little while.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Well, here it is finally, Chapter Four. Took me long enough, huh? Well, I had a great time in NYC (got to see Stephen King, JK Rowling, and John Irving!) but I'm glad to be back now. This chapter isn't all that funny but hey, what can I say, this story has a mind of its own. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews and such, they really helped me during the times when this chapter just did not want to be written. Leanan Sidhe, I forgot to tell you how excited it made me to see you reading my story! Now go to your own and write! I need more! lol.

Oh, for those who like Harry Potter, I also have a new story I just posted if that interests anyone. Just to prove I don't usually write self-insert Mary Sues. :)

Pleeeeease review if you read. You can't know how much it means to me. Should I reply to each person that does? Would that encourage you? I know personally I love for author's to respond to me but it makes some people feel uncomfortable. Tell me what you think.

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with PotC. Oh, and neither 'Mary' nor myself are alcoholics. Upon rereading, I felt like I needed to say that. haha. **

_**The Damsel and the Distressed**_

**Chapter Four**

"Oh yes! Oh God yes! Oh!"

This was the noise that greeted me from the other side of the wall not too much later that night. I removed the pillow that I had placed over my head and glared in the general direction of the wall. Growling, clearly not in my right mind but not caring the least, I picked up a candle holder (with a still-lit candle glowing on top) from the nearby nightstand and tossed it at the wall. It crashed loudly but it was still no match for the loud mouthed bitch on the other side. I watched the candle extinguish while my annoyance grew.

"I know you're doing this on purpose!" I shouted. I hadn't had any time to sleep off my alcohol before Jack and the strumpet had began their very enthusiastic, very LOUD, lovemaking, so I was still fairly drunk. As if to agree with my statement, the noises grew suddenly louder, only joining it now was the banging of a headboard against the wall. I thumped back down into the bed and pulled my pillow back over my head, praying for death. Theirs or my own, I would have been satisfied with either.

This continued for several minutes (longer than I would have given the captain credit for in his inebriated state) before finally I could take no more. If the build up was this loud, I wasn't about to stick around for the finale. So I got up out of the bed, pulled on my boots, and made my way to the door, stumbling and grumbling the whole way.

I couldn't remember the way we had turned to come in to the rooms, but the noises were still carrying into the hallway and I didn't care where I was going as long as I got away. This was not a situation I was accustomed to. My apartment back in (my) reality held mostly families and quieter, older people. I had not had the pleasure of an oversexed roommate or a loud dorm-room couple next door, like several of my friends at college had. One friend of mine, Karen, often told incredibly lewd (but true) stories of the woman who lived next to her and the horribly loud shrieking sound she made when aroused. The first time Karen heard the noise, she had actually called the police because she thought the woman was in pain. So yeah, not much help for me there now, as entertaining as that story may be.

Weaving slightly, I walked a good distance down the hall and went to turn the corner, thinking that for as much as I had drank, I still felt pretty good.

Then I tripped.

My foot connected with something semi-solid and, with my coordination not being at its highest level, I of course went down like a sack of potatoes, nearly end over end. I opened my eyes to survey the damage to find a sword pointed straight at my throat. Great, and just when I was wondering how this whole situation could get worse...

"Who are you?" the person who was holding the sword asked, with a voice that was clearly making an attempt at gruff. I looked at the person for a moment in my stupor, taking in the breeches and shirt similar to my own. It was a smallish sort of person, with a rather large, garish hat on their head (feather and all) that more than made up for the lack of height. I couldn't help thinking it might appeal to a certain captain I knew. I opened my mouth to answer the question directed at me but no words would leave my lips. I had never had reason to fear for my life before and now that I had I was rather ashamed to discover that I wasn't very brave at all. Quite a coward, actually.

The person before me made a quick movement of their hand and the sword jerked dangerously closer, resting on the flesh of my throat. I suddenly felt sober and very much more alert.

"Your name," the person once again demanded, this time rather tersely. Once more I was struck suddenly with how small this person was, how feminine the voice was underneath the roughness being forced upon it.

"Mary Bennett," I whispered, trying not to stutter. I found myself continuing in hope that my volunteering information would make this stranger remove the sword pointed at my throat. "I um... I..." **_think! _**My brain screamed. **_Are you a writer or not!_** "I bartered passage with some pirates to this island. I ran away from home."

The stranger looked at me for a long moment and finally, much to my surprise and relief, lowered the sword a few inches. It wasn't much, but it was something.

"And what are you doing out here?" The voice, I was sure now, was definitely female and, despite her appearance and handiwork with a sword, was not that of a pirate's. The English was too good, too clear, and the way this person held herself was too refined. Still, I wasn't eager to have that sword at my throat again, so I kept my oh so clever observations to myself.

"I couldn't sleep... they..." I gestured helplessly down the hall where the noise from the infamous Captain Jack and his stumpet could still barely be heard. The stranger in front of me surprised me once again by smiling slightly and tipping her hat back, revealing a nice smile and...

_a beauty mark above her lip on the left side_.

Déjà vu or something scarier swept through me and I nearly fell over while still lying on the ground. She sheathed her sword and offered me a hand. I looked at her for a long moment, knowing, just_ knowing, _that it was her: the woman everyone was looking for.

I couldn't see her hair where it was tucked underneath her hat, but still I knew somehow that it must be long and brown like my own. After all, her eyes were also brown, and she had dimples (like I did). But over all the resemblance was not uncanny; we had similar features but were in no way identical. Her cheeks were less round than mine and her mouth was a little wider, so trust me when I say that looking at her standing there in front of me was not like falling into "The Parent Trap" at all. But still, in an age of portraits rather than photographs especially, I could see how easily the mistake could be made. All too easily in fact.

I stared at her outstretched hand a moment longer, aware that the moment had become awkward for both of us as she must have just noticed the resemblance between us and was looking at me strangely. I shook my head to clear it. In that moment, I would have rather felt the fear associated with having a sword at my throat than the uncertainty now of not knowing what to do.

I took her hand, clambering to my feet in a way that was neither graceful nor ladylike. The girl gestured her head at me, not quite a tip of her hat, and the smile had faded. She moved to walk away and I took an unsteady step forward, not knowing what I was going to say or do until I had already called out, "Wait!" This stranger, this woman who was somehow causing all of this trouble for me (however indirectly), turned back to look at me with one hand still resting on her sword, as if waiting for me to make one wrong move.

I gestured a little wildly, feeling like Jack for the briefest moment.

"I was wondering if you'd sit with me for a moment... have a drink... talk with me?" I gave an uncomfortable laugh, thinking, _good God please let her be buying this! _"I'm not used to being around all these ruddy pirates and you're the first person I've seen who seems, well, normal." It wasn't a lie, at least not in the strictest, most technical terms, but I still didn't think she had bought my lame attempt at a stall. From the look on her face, I was right.

But then something strange happened. Her eyes flickered down to my locket (I was fairly sure, where I hadn't been earlier with Jack, that she was staring at my locket and not my breasts) and then back up. There was a strange look in her eyes but her hand left her sword completely and she gave me a short nod.

"Yes."

I wavered only a second, though it felt much longer, before leading her down the stairs at the end of the hallway and back to the main room that had been full only hours before. She followed me soundlessly, her boots silent on the wooden floor of the hallway in a way mine could never be, and I swallowed thickly. My brain, which was suddenly taking the events of the day somewhat seriously for the first time it seemed, did a quick mental run down of everything that had happened thus far:

I had somehow been thrown back into the past of a fictional movie.

With pirates.

Pirates who believed I was someone who I clearly (at least to myself) was not, someone who knew the way to a very important treasure and was currently on the run from said pirates who would stop at nothing to get what they wanted.

And I was currently about to share drinks with the _real _woman everyone was looking for, a woman who looked quite a bit like me and was carrying a very dangerous weapon, a weapon that only moments ago had been pointed directly at my throat.

Yep. That just about summed it up.

We sat down at a table not far from the stairs and the stranger navigated her way through a sea of empty chairs to fetch two rums. I bit the inside of my cheek hard, trying to stay alert and instead drawing blood. The head-clearing soberness that had come when the sword was being pointed at my throat had not lasted as much as I would have liked to hope, and the world was starting to look a little fuzzy again. I could no longer hear the captain and his whore carrying on upstairs and I wondered if they had finished. Should I take this girl to Jack, before he discovered I wasn't her? But what if he _was_ the pirate who was searching for her, the pirate who had slit a man's throat for nothing more than a slip of paper? Could I throw someone's life away like that for my own, even if she was a stranger?

Two mugs came down hard on the table and I jumped, nearly falling out of the chair. The woman smiled at me a strained sort of smile and sat down at a chair across the table from me. There was something faintly calculating in the glance she gave me, and it made me feel uneasy.

"You don't look like you need this," she said simply, but pushed the mug over all the same. I took the tiniest sip of the rum for show and gave her a shaky smile back.

"I am a little tipsy," I said, hoping my voice sounded close to normal. She gave a soft laugh and a nod, taking a sip of her own rum. We stared at each other for a moment and I had the very clear idea that she was sizing me up. After a moment, her gaze again led to my locket, almost daring me to say something but I kept my mouth shut. If anything, I was afraid to know the reason behind everyone's strange fascination with my locket, at least for right now. I was rather scared to know what horrible secret could be behind it.

For the first time, as odd as it seems, I wondered how I had managed to end up in this place. It was question I had pushed aside for some hours now with not much difficulty, wanting to believe so badly that it couldn't be real and not wanting to consider any other options for fear of my sanity. But now, with this woman sitting across from me, her features just enough like my own to be eerie, I was forced to reconsider. This was all too elaborate, too realistic.

_But this can't be real!_

Then what was it? A dream? A fantasy? Had I lost my mind?

_I asked for an adventure._

I took a larger sip of my rum, reconsidered a moment too late (getting drunk again wouldn't solve anything), and set the drink down on the table. I had to say something to this woman... the moment was spiraling quickly from uncomfortable to out of control... it was hurtling towards _madness_ for Christ's sake! I opened my mouth to say something perfectly sensible, rational even; something to move us towards answering the one million questions I had...

"I like your hat," was what came out. Fuck, I was sick of being drunk.

The girl smiled at me, a movement that made her look more melancholy than happy. Her face had the look of someone who had been a bit roughened up recently and her skin, I thought, had the look of someone who was naturally pale but had been reddened by the sun. Freckles dotted her nose and cheeks, a light dusting of innocence that was at odds with her rough outfit and stance. When she reached for her rum glass I noticed how slender and soft her hands looked, not at all rough as a pirates would be. Her grace in that simple moment betrayed her: whoever she was now, she had once been wealthy and well-taught.

"It was my father's," she said, after replacing the mug on the table. She gave said hat a little tap with her finger and smiled that same flat smile again. "He used to love this ugly thing."

"Used to?" The question slipped but it was a reasonable enough question. Still, the girl flicked her eyes over at me briefly, as if viewing me a whole new way, before straightening slightly. I knew she was lying before she opened her mouth.

"Yes, before I stole it from him, that is." Her voice deepened slightly and I was sure she had done it on purpose, was sure that this was the right woman. This _was_ the woman everyone was looking for, the woman whose father had died for a secret treasure, I just knew it.

"Tell me, Mary Bennett... where is home and why did you run away from it?" she asked, surprising me. I froze, the way I had with the same question from Jack Sparrow only hours before. This question was going to be the death of me, especially if I gave the same stupid answer from last time.

"I uh..." I tilted my head to the side, feeling distraught and trying to use it to my advantage. Four years of Drama classes had to be good for something. "I'd really..." deep breath in, shuddery breath out; tried to make myself sound like I was about to cry. "...really rather not talk about that if you don't mind..." I kept my head down and my eyes closed, trying to hide my amazement at how believable that lie had came out (though it was hardly a lie; there was nothing else I could think of at that moment that I would rather discuss less than where I was from). I waited with baited breath, looking up just a little though my eyelashes.

"Ah well, I guess I can't blame you for that. It must have been pretty bad for you to run away with pirates. Dirty scoundrels the lot of them." She muttered the last part and gave me a teasing wink, almost as an afterthought. I had a sneaking suspicion she hadn't been teasing. She had every reason to dislike pirates, now that she was being chased by them.

I nodded a little in response to her statement, and together we were drawn into another deep silence. I gripped the table tightly, feeling the tears that only a moment ago I had been sure I was faking suddenly return to the surface. I willed myself not to cry, all the while considering my options. Somewhere outside, not far off, a deep boom erupted. Thunder? A frown crossed the woman's face and it spoke of things I didn't know, like a troubling, befuddled sort of recognition.

"I know who you are." The words flew out of me, dangerous and unwanted. I tried to clasp my lips shut but it was too late, her eyes were on me and her hand was on sword. Licking my lips, I forced myself to continue, wondering if this was a mistake, wondering if it would cost me my life.

"I know who you are and why you're running. The people who are chasing you are here and you should get away as soon as you can." I was not looking at her, instead my eyes were fixed on the dirty mug holding my rum. I was too afraid to look up and see her face.

The moment dragged on in silence, ear-splittingly loud in its quietness. Somewhere far off that sound came again, thunder but not quite thunder, and I finally looked up.

She had not drawn her sword, nor did she look angry or any of the other things I had been expecting. Instead, her eyes were once again on my locket, the expression on her face unreadable. Exasperated finally, I smacked the table.

"Why the hell is everyone so obsessed with my damn locket?" I shouted. A funny sort of look crossed the girl's face, as if she had forgotten I was there. Her hand went immediately to her chest, extracting a small silver heart from underneath her own shirt and pulling it, chain and all, from around her neck. She held it with one hand while beckoning for mine with the other. I looked at her for a second, surprised, then surprised myself further by doing as she wanted and slipped the necklace from around my own neck. It tangled in my hair for a second, slowing me, but within moments she was holding both necklaces in her hand and we were marveling at the similarity, me more than her because I knew my necklace had been created hundreds of years in the future.

Then another boom came, much closer, much louder, and suddenly I realized what it was. Not thunder. _Cannon fire. _

She dropped the locket back in my hand abruptly but I did not struggle to get the long chain back over my head, instead I held it in my hand tightly, feeling the change that had taken over the room when she realized the source of the noise as well. She looked up at me, her gaze holding me perfectly still, and I watched as she suddenly pulled a large gold key out of the pocket of her pants.

"I don't know why the hell I'm doing this," she said, and I wondered the same thing when she handed me the key. I looked up at her, down to the key which was decorated with ornate emeralds and garnets and was marked with a very small heart at the top, and back up to her, waiting for an explanation. None were forthcoming.

"Leave here, and be careful with that!" was all she said as she took her sword out and began to walk... no run!... across the room. She was scattering chairs as she went and I stood, my knees feeling weak.

"Hey!" I shouted after her, but it was too late. She was already gone and I was alone. A door banged open far off and the sound of voices joined it, bringing me out of my reverie. I slipped the key and my locket into the top of the too-big boots just in time before the door behind me flew open as well. Anamaria was standing before me in just a few quick strides, her hand gripping my arm hard enough to leave fingerprints.

"C'mon then. The Cap'ns gave orders to meet at the Pearl."

I followed her quietly through the overturned chairs and the floor sticky with rum. Stepping outside, there was an explosion, and some screams. In the harbor, a ship was firing on another ship: The Black Pearl. Anamaria's hands dug harder into my arm and she pulled me into a run.

I had wished for an adventure.

Now I found myself wishing I would survive it.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:** Replies for reviews at the end of the chapter. Please, please, please remember to review if you read and let me know what you think. Oh, and I suddenly can't make the page breaks work anymore so the parts are seperated by this: &&&&&. Sorry.

_**The Damsel and the Distressed**_

**Chapter Five**

I ran- or rather was _dragged_ by Anamaria- down the street to the pier, nearly stumbling once in her haste but quickly finding my footing again. I could feel the locket and the key sliding further down my boot, the latter jabbing me sharply in the ankle as I ran. Ahead, I could see a familiar figure running to the pier, waving his arms drunkenly in the air in a somehow near perfect rhythm with his steps. As always, Jack Sparrow looked so completely ridiculous that it was almost kind of cool.

"Stop firing on me ship!" he screamed, adding in a mad little leap that was so close to a skip that I nearly laughed despite the situation. We were gaining on him now thanks to Anamaria's mad insistence, enough for me to notice that as silly as Jack's declaration had been, it was also entirely unnecessary.

Because they weren't firing on the Black Pearl at all.

There were several ships in the harbor besides the Black Pearl, one of which was considerably smaller than the others and seemed to be taking the entire brunt of the attack. I watched in awe as a massive ship with white sails fired once more on the smaller one, effectively taking off a chunk of the end and causing it to tip dangerously. It was clear this ship would not be sailing again for a long time... if ever.

With that last blow, the cannon fire ceased. I was surprised when Jack suddenly lowered his arms and halted, forcing both Anamaria and I to do the same or crash into him. We skidded to a stop only inches away from him, with me stumbling wildly and the key giving another sharp dig into my ankle. I yelped loudly and Jack turned to me, gesturing to an alleyway on our left before running off to it.

"What the..."

Anamaria didn't wait for me to finish my question. She yanked me hard in front of her, released my arm (it throbbed a little in the places where her fingers had been gripping the flesh), and shoved me quite unceremoniously into the dark alleyway after Jack. I tripped over what could have been my other foot, my hands flying out in front of me in the dark, sure that they would meet nothing and I would fall straight on through to the ground. But I was surprised when two rough hands grasped my wrists, leaving me upright but leaning dangerously forward and looking into two very close, very dark, brown eyes. I was hit from behind by what I could only assume (or at least hope) was Anamaria and was shoved even farther into the arms of Jack. I blinked in the dark, feeling his breath somewhere near my ear and his strong arms now somewhere around my waist. Finally! This was how a fanfic was supposed to be!

I felt his smile near my ear.

"Now, now love. Easy on the goods. We've no time for that now," he said, his smirk audible in his voice. I blushed a color I was sure was visible even in the dark and ripped my hands away, leaning against the wall in an attempt to catch my breath. I was somehow more overwhelmed by this stupid occurrence than I had been by anything else so far and I could feel a bitch fest coming on; the bitch fest to beat all bitch fests.

"You know what, I don't know why someone's always frickin' dragging me some place anyway!" I started, my voice climbing in volume. "As if it's not bad enough that I'm stuck in flipping Pirateville, Spain and I spend half of my damn night listening to you panting like a..."

A hand came out of darkness and clasped over my mouth, effectively stopping my words even as several rings dug painfully into my lips. My scream of protest was muffled and short-lived, dropping off into nothingness as I now realized the reason for our little foray into the dark alley. There were dozens of pirates running past us. Big pirates. Mean pirates.

My heart sunk somewhere below my ankles as I watched them, their swords out as they whooped and hollered past us, occupying the space that we had been in only moments before. Despite my sudden silence, Jack's hand stayed over my mouth and I found myself breathing as quietly as I could through my nose, sure they would hear the wild beating of my heart and find us. I knew they must have come from that ship in the harbor, the one that had been firing as we stupidly stood there and watched. They had to have seen us before they started into Tortuga. Any minute now, I was just sure, one of them was going to turn into our little hiding spot, grab us and... I couldn't finish that thought. The hysteria was swelling to a breaking point already. Trying to steady myself, I brought my hand up to Jack's wrist where his fingers were still clasped over my mouth, only now I wasn't trying to remove his hand. Now it was almost as if I was clutching it and looking for comfort.

From a pirate.

In the words of Alice: curiouser and curiouser.

But none of the men poked their heads in and none of them reached their grubby hands into the darkness we were hidden inside. After a moment, when the men had stopped running by and their screams had faded into the distance, I felt Jack and Anamaria begin to move. I stayed perfectly still, feeling paralyzed by my fear until I heard the soft sound of laughter from Jack and looked up. He was trying to lower his hand but I was still clutching his wrist and wasn't letting go. I glared at him and released his hand, feeling the lower part of my body melt until it felt like I could move again. Anamaria slowly led us out of the alleyway and over to the pier, with myself in the middle and Jack behind me.

Halfway between our hiding place and the boat, we ran quite suddenly into Mr. Gibbs and one of us let loose a high pitched scream that was closer to being a squeal. Knowing it hadn't been me, I looked at Anamaria but she was staring at Jack as if he had suddenly announced that he had decided to give up rum. Had that noise came from him? The famous Captain Jack Sparrow who had engaged in swordfights with the undead and battled giant sea monsters? Confirming my thoughts, Jack glared at both of us and turned away. I was shocked to see the same flustered look on Mr. Gibbs face.

"Jack, it's 'im! I saw 'im! He's followed us 'ere!"

Jack gave him a half hearted smile and gestured back to Tortuga, where the men had run.

"And look, they're gone now. So... onto the ship."

Gibbs didn't move except to lean closer to Jack and give me an evil eye.

"I knew this would happen. Frightfully bad luck to bring a woman aboard sir, you heard me say it."

I gestured at Anamaria, outraged that he was trying to blame this on me. "And what do you call her, you sexist alcoholic?" I was steadfastly ignored.

"Mark my words Jack. This be a trick. Tortono doesn't just let men escape!"

"Tortilla?" I mused, "Isn't that some kind of Mexican food?"

Again, ignored.

Jack help up one finger, now smiling a little bit more than before. I looked from person to person, wondering how smart it was to be debating this while in plain sight and also wanting to know who this 'tortilla' character was. Beside me, Anamaria let out a small sigh of frustration.

"Aye, unless..." Jack said, looking at us as if he was a school teacher and we were his adoring pupils. "...Unless they plan on tricking us by _pretending _to trick us. In which case they would not be tricking us at all but instead hoping we will not move because we believe we are being tricked." He looked at our confused faces, smiling only harder. "That, in itself, would be quite a trick indeed."

Silence met that awesome observation before I finally snorted and Anamaria, who'd had quite enough, once again began dragging me towards the Black Pearl. I didn't protest. After all, I hadn't protested before. It seemed kind of pointless to start now.

&&&&&

Once on the Black Pearl, everyone went crazy, running around as they attempted to follow the Captain's orders. Even Anamaria finally stopped manhandling me for a moment as she went to help the men prepare the ship to set sail. Unfortunately, the Captain's orders were not what I would call confidence inspiring.

"What is our heading, Captain?" Mr. Gibbs asked, looking at him hopefully. Jack held up one finger as if to say, 'one moment, please' and pulled out his compass. He looked at it for a second before frowning and shaking it firmly. His frown did not change. I watched as he put his finger down on it, tapping four sides, four different directions. For a moment he looked as if he was playing a very serious version of 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe' before he finally looked up and pointed in (what was obvious to all of us) was a totally random direction. I sighed loudly and dramatically, and the crew, confused but not stupid enough to voice it, went to work.

Sensing somehow that now would be a good moment to slink off and be forgotten about, I took one small step backwards. It was too late however, for Jack's eyes were already upon me. Up until that moment (after giving the crew their "heading") he had been perfectly still and thoughtful, two things the Captain had surely never been accused of before. Now he was looking at me and smiling, though it wasn't the type of smile he usually gave. I looked at him, resigned to my fate, knowing this was the moment I had been dreading all along: interrogation time. He was going to find out I wasn't the girl he was looking for, the girl I had let him believe I was.

"To my quarter's, love?" he asked, with a mocking little bow. Oh how, only days before those words would have sent me into perverted, girlish glee. Now I swallowed and walked over to his cabin door, going through options in my head as I simultaneously walked through the doorway inside. He followed me, overstepping the clutter on the floor and taking a seat behind his desk. I glanced around, looking for another chair, and cursed inwardly when Jack smiled and gestured at his bed. I considered being stubborn about it and standing just to spite him, but my knees felt weak either from fatigue or fear and I allowed myself to sit just on the very edge. Jack leaned back and placed his boots on the desk top, his hat tipped down over one eye and his grin growing ever wider.

"Well now Mary..." he began, and I suddenly found myself overwhelmed, bursting at the seams, with courage that had been notably missing earlier.

"Was it you?" I asked, hell, practically demanded. His smile slipped to one side and he regarded me with different eyes. I leaned forward on the bed and my hands gripped the edge of the mattress on either side of my thighs.

"Was it you who killed him?"

I didn't need to say who; I could tell he knew. The question had been bothering me ever since I had overheard the pirates talking in the bar, and now I was relieved to finally have it out. Either way, knowing the answer to that question would make my time here a lot easier. If it hadn't been him, then I could rest assured with the fact that I wasn't stuck on a ship with a heartless murderer. If it was him... well then knowing the truth would make what I had to do a little bit easier too.

He didn't answer, he didn't need to. His smile, that look on his face that had not been present in the movies, rendered words unnecessary. I suddenly felt sick.

"You... you..." I stuttered, too surprised to find the words.

"Pirate," Jack reminded me, gesturing to himself and smiling still. I couldn't speak. A moment passed in silence during which Jack occupied himself by ignoring my anger and slipping out his 'emergency supply' of rum from his desk. He took a swig from it and offered the bottle in my direction. I glared at him in disbelief and he once again leaned back in his chair.

"Well now Mary, or should I call ye Marie?" My gaze must have switched from anger to surprise because he nodded at me after saying that. Was that _her_ name? Was he trying to tell me that he knew? (Even though he really didn't know what he thought he knew? Great, I was beginning to sound like him!)

"Marie," he continued, followed by another swig of rum, another flash of gold teeth in my direction, "I'll be needing your help with something."

I looked at him in stony silence, my eyes narrowed and my brain trying to process a response. What did I say to that? No? Sorry, but I can't? His words sunk in and something clicked inside my brain. I couldn't help it. It was my turn to smile.

"You're right."

"Yes I..." Jack paused, looking at me suspiciously. His boots left the desk with a thud as he leaned forward, and I now noticed that he was fiddling with a small box in his right hand: the compass. "I am?"

"Yes Jack. Captain." I added when I saw he was about to interrupt. My hands stopped gripping the sides of the mattress and I stood, my legs only wobbling a little as I began to walk forward. Could it be? Did Jack Sparrow look the slightest bit nervous?

"You're right. You do need my help. In fact, considering you have senselessly _murdered_ the only other person in the whole world who could possibly help you, I am quite confident in the fact that you do, indeed, need my help."

He looked somewhat surprised at first, then his features changes gradually into a more roguish grin. I could have been mistaken but I would have sworn that I saw a funny sort of respect in his eyes before he gestured for me to continue. I went on.

"Now that we seemed to have established that, I believe we need to establish something else as well. Seeing as how I am the only one who can help you find what you seek and I now have nothing to live for you spineless, murdering..." _beautiful man! _My mind screamed. I ignored it, after all, I was supposed to be depressed and hating him for it at the moment, "**bastard,** I believe it is high time I was put in charge here. No more of this dragging me along while you play hide-the-salami with some strange bimbo."

Jack stroked his beard, smiling as he tugged a braid. He opened his mouth to say something, probably something vulgar and funny and disturbing and very Jack Sparrow, when I cut him off.

"So I'm afraid you're just going to have to shut up and give me your compass now," I said, and held out my hand for said object. I was now directly in front of him at his desk and he looked at my outstretched hand with amusement before moving his hand with the compass only inches from mine. It hovered over but did not release the object into my hand.

"I don't think you understand, love. This is a very... _special_ compass."

I moved my hand up, he jerked his away just out of reach.

"Of course I understand. I saw the second movie. Twice. Now give me the damn compass and stop wasting our time." That comment was particularly ironic because that was exactly what I was planning to use it for: to waste our time, or at least Jack's.

To my surprise, he dropped the object into my hand with another amused smirk. I gave the look right back, now confident that I had found a way to, at the very least, buy myself some time. I looked down at the box, thinking with all of my heart and soul:

_What I want most in the whole entire world is to go in the opposite direction of all those scary people. And distract Jack from the treasure. _Yeah.

I opened the box, watching the needle as it swung to the left, then to the right, then jerked around for another few moments. It seemed I was still a bit conflicted about wanting my adventure.

"Dammit!" I snapped the compass closed again and shook it like a mad woman. Jack smiled at me and I snarled, yes I _snarled_ at him, before closing my eyes and thinking:

_Listen to me you stupid piece of crap. Listen to me! I don't have time for compasses with a penchant for crazy, complicated love triangles. You heard what I wanted. Now go!_

I opened it again and this time it swung to the left and stayed there. I smiled in victory as Jack stood up and leaned over me to look, thrusting it out at him with a smug smile.

"There Captain. Now I believe we have our heading."

&&&&&

There was still a few more hours of nighttime left and, much to my sappy fanfic-loving dismay, I was not asked by the Captain to share his quarters. Instead, I was given a small cot inside a room no bigger than my closet back home, complete with matching mops and various other supplies. Lying there a few minutes after leaving Jack's room, I once again found myself fretting on the difference between fanfiction and real life. Before I had hated those stories. Now I still disliked them for their bad grammar and horrible out of character romances, but I would have given anything to been in one of them rather than sleeping in a small room with a cot that smelled like pirate ass. I sighed, thinking of my bed back in the future and all my friends. My roommate Amanda had never understood my obsession with these other worlds and now I couldn't either. If only she was here, I thought tiredly, she could help me. And besides, what was a horrible self-insert like this one without the side-kick, the friend who could lust over the other characters with the main Mary Sue and crack silly inside jokes?

I tried to roll on the cot but there was no room, and I suddenly realized that I hadn't even taken my boots off before falling into it. My eyes snapped open at the thought of my boots.

The key!

I sat up and struggled to remove the boot quickly, feeling the key jabbing into my ankle bone one last time as I slipped the shoe off. The key clattered loudly to the ground where it fell and I grabbed for it, my fingers running over the jewels in the handle. I looked up at the sound of voices outside the door, clutching the key within my palm until they faded away and I felt safe opening my hand again. It was just a normal key it seemed, albeit an expensive looking one, and it was almost exactly the length of the palm of my hand. I held it for a moment, testing the weight of it and wondering what horrible thing this unlocked, what horrible adventure this accompanied. And now the most frustrating question of all: why on earth had she given the damn thing to me?

I started to remove my other boot when I realized the locket was still lying on the floor. I picked it up more slowly than I had the key, looking at the two objects together for a moment. I noticed that one of the small hoops that had been connected to the clasp had been bent open and the clasp had become separated. Frowning, I wondered if that kind of thing could happen inside a person's boot.

I looked at it another moment before finally shrugging. I could fix it in a matter of minutes and besides, I had worse things to worry about now, not the least of which was the fact that I didn't know where the hell I was going.

And now I had bullied my way into being in charge.

I made a silent vow to never read fanfiction again (if I ever got back, that was) and flopped back down onto the cot. It creaked and broke beneath me, dropping me into the floor where I stayed for the rest of the night, one boot on, the other off... and hating my life with every ounce of feeling left in me.

&&&&&

Replies for chapter four:

Salsagirl626: I'm really glad you're still liking this and reading! Thank you so much for continuing to review. BIG HUG :D

Serenity-found: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Oh, and for saying the last chapter was funny even though it wasn't. lol. Much love.

Iria702: I'm glad I've been able to entertain you. :) I'll be going to read your story first chance I get.

BadLuck: Yay! That was EXACTLY what I was trying to do! I can promise it's going to get more absurd but hopefully it will still stay somewhat realistic. I'm going to try anyway. Lol. Thank you for reading and reviewing!

KayleeG: Thank you for the wonderful review and I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who has been in that situation. You made me die laughing at the misspelled "summary" part because I can fee your pain. I'm actually writing a Harry Potter story too and was writing a really horrible summary for it when I found myself actually writing the words, "this isn't a very good summary" in the little summary box. I swear I nearly vomited when I realized what I was doing.

Now that's a story you didn't ask for, huh? lol. Again, thank you.

Musicnerd: wow. Um. Yeah... I can not say one word about that locket or that key for at least two chapters. ;) Thanks for the review and much love!


	6. Chapter 6

_**The Damsel and the Distressed**_

**Chapter Six**

"So what do you want me to do? Do you want me to swab something? Isn't that what they're always saying in the movies: _Arrgh matey, swab the deck_...? I'm not sure if I would be very good at _swabbing._ The only thing I ever swabbed before was my ear."

I was standing before Jack on the deck of the Black Pearl, the heat of the rising sun on my shoulders and a rather annoyed looking pirate in front of me. That was something they didn't tell you in the movies: Jack was not what I would call a morning person. To tell you the truth, I'm really not either, but I wasn't about to miss a chance to turn the tables and annoy the crap out of him like he had been doing to me for days now. Thus far that morning I was succeeding with flying colors. He made it so easy that it almost took the fun out it. _Almost._

As I was just finishing up my "swab" speech, I was interrupted by the sound of a monkey's screeching to our left. At Jack's look of horror and outrage, I turned to see the monkey ("little Jack") scurrying by with a large bottle of rum in its small paws. Jack gave a scream of anger and began pulling on his gun in vain as it appeared to be stuck, so he did little more than jerk in some pitiful semblance of a dance and mutter curse words like a chant. The monkey, perhaps sensing the captain's distressing mental state and that annoying him might be more trouble than it was worth that day, gave one last screech and dropped the rum bottle on the floor of the ship before scampering off. He was nearly gone before the bottle even shattered.

Jack's gaze moved from the spilt rum, to the area where the monkey had escaped from, back to the rum. He was breathing rather heavily. I smiled wickedly, but he didn't even see it.

"So... but wait. Didn't you say you needed a cook?" I started, picking right back up where we'd left off. Jack closed his eyes, breathed deeply and forced himself (or so it looked to me) to remove his hand from his gun. I tried to hold in my laughter. "Well, that's a shame Jack. I can't cook at all."

"Nothing?" Jack asked, through gritted teeth. I feigned ignorance.

"Nothing what?"

"You can't cook nothing?" Wow, he was really upset about that rum. I'd heard the saying about the way to a man's heart being through his stomach but through his throat?

"Anything," I corrected immediately, going on even when he opened his eyes with a blazing look. I made sure to speak slowly, to make myself sound even more patronizing. "I can't cook _anything. _Nothing is a double negative and is therefore incorrect eng--"

"You can't cook _anything?_" Jack asked, giving me an irritated smile and placing particular emphasis on the last word. I smiled back.

"No. Well. I mean, there's the three p's, but that's it."

"The three whats?" he asked, sounding scared to find out. We were still standing in the middle of the deck, the spilled bottle of rum in front of us and half the crew standing by to see the outcome of this little stand-off. Over Jack's shoulder I could see Anamaria leaning into the railing, looking amused for the first time since I'd joined them onboard, with a piece of rope in hand where she'd obviously stopped doing something else to watch us. Inspired, I continued.

"The three p's of a poor college student's diet." I held up three fingers, ticking each one down as I went on. "Pizza, pasta, and poptarts. Oh, and I guess you could count peanut butter, even though there's no cooking involved. So yeah, maybe the _four _p's..."

"Arright," Jack said, still smiling that strange, irritated smile. "Arright then, no cooking. Just..." he touched his fingers to his beard and brought them away, a light coming on behind his eyes. Smiling harder, this smile more like the one I was becoming accustomed to seeing from the famous captain, he leaned down closer and wrapped his hand around my shoulder, pulling me into his chest. His sudden change of heart had me too scared to enjoy that position very much.

"Actually, love, I've just the job for ye."

&&&&&

"Damn you, Jack Sparrow," I was hissing only an hour later, my arms wet to the elbows with lukewarm, only slightly soapy water from the basin in front of me and a large pile of the captain's clothing beside me on the deck. I had known from his smile that he hadn't planned on making things easy for me after I had annoyed him all morning, but I couldn't have possibly imagined how disgusting it would be to simply wash a pirate's clothes.

Not allowing myself to look at the clothing first, I stuffed another article into the basin and began dragging it across the wash board. It's harder than those damn animals made it look on Snow White, let me tell you. My back and arms were aching already and the water had turned dark after only two shirts, so I was dreading getting up for more. As it was, I decided that since he had waited something like six months to wash his clothes in the first place, a little extra dirt from the water probably wouldn't kill him. The nasty slob probably wouldn't even notice and if he did (and had the nerve to say something about it) I'd pour out every ounce of his precious rum and stuff the bottles straight up his--

"Ye missed a spot love," Jack said, hovering over my shoulder and smiling. I contemplated slapping him with the dirty, wet shirt and somehow fought down the urge with the last scrap of self-restraint I had in me. Instead, I channeled my anger into scrubbing harder, and the water was soon splashing further up my arms and out of the basin. Behind me I felt Jack crouch down to lean into my ear, and I was disturbed at my ability to switch between hating him and thinking he was dead sexy just with that one action.

I scrubbed harder, the water flying.

"Are ye going to be telling me where we're going now, lass?" He asked, his voice very close to my ear. I swear, that man had no concept of personal space.

I tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace.

"You'll find out when we get there."

_And so will I._

Jack chuckled a little; a brief, breathless sound.

"We keep to the west?"

_Were we even going west? _Scrub, scrub, scrub. _Let's see, the compass pointed left... left was... oh yeah. Where the hell was Mapquest when you needed it?_

"Of course," I said, as haughtily as I could muster. I felt his smile rather than saw it.

"Right then," Jack said and stood. He watched me for a moment as I finished the last shirt and held my red, dripping hands up smugly despite the fact that I was shivering from the water that had turned cool.

"Cold, love?" he asked. I smirked back.

"No, sir. I have my hatred of you to keep me warm. I was only going to ask if there was anything else I could do for you, _Captain_?" I asked, pouring as much sarcasm as I could into that last word. He regarded me for a moment, obviously freezing and uncomfortable but still stubborn as hell, and smiled, giving me his 'one moment' gesture. He then proceeded to peel the shirt he was wearing off and throw it at me, hitting me square in the face. I looked at him for a second or two, taking in his bare chest and stomach as he openly rubbed his hand against the bottom of the latter, before shoving the shirt back into the water and scrubbing wildly with my eyes down and my face red. I heard his triumphant laugh as he walked away, proud that he had finally shut me up.

I took my time washing that last shirt, afraid that I wouldn't be able to control myself if he really tried to teach me a lesson and did the same thing with his pants. So I scrubbed in time to my thoughts, and it sounded something like this:

_Stupid..._

Scrub.

_...Bloody..._

Scrub.

_...Pirates!_

&&&&&

That night, after I had finished washing all of Jack's clothes and half of the other men's as well (something told me by the looks on all of their faces that they received more pleasure from seeing me scrub than they did from actually having clean clothes) and all of the men had went to bed, I lay awake in my broken cot, unable to sleep for several reasons. My hands and arms were red and a little raw from being in the water all day, and my mind was full from the long, if uneventful, evening. My belly, however, was not.

Since I had not been in charge of dinner, I'd had no control over what we ate... and that was a fact I had spent all night lamenting. Whatever it was that they had eaten, it had been thick and gray and spooned out of bowls and with it they had eaten stale bread. Therefore it was not surprising that I had skipped the meal entirely, nor was it surprising that I was starving now. What was surprising was that I was seriously considering sneaking out of my closet/room and stealing some of that stale bread to end the hunger. So what if it was one stage away from being a crouton? I would have eaten anything at that point.

My belly, as if in agreement, chose that moment to growl loudly and I took the hint.

"Right," I said to myself, sitting up in the cot and feeling my pocket to make sure the key was still there. During the day I kept in it my boot but at night I moved it closer into my pocket for safe keeping, though I was fully aware that on a ship full of pirates my pocket was no safer than any other place. At least there it was close to me though, and it made me feel better to be able to touch it and know it was still safe. I had also fixed my locket where the hoop on the clasp had been bent open, and now it hung loosely around my neck once again, under my white shirt that was buttoned over it. It was warm against the skin of my chest, reassuring somehow as I stood.

Now or never.

I opened the door slowly, wincing when it creaked. The noise was loud in the otherwise still night, and though I didn't think anyone was going to kill me for sneaking out for food (key word here: _think)_, I didn't exactly want to rush out with trumpets blaring either. I just wanted to quickly grab some food and get back before I could get noticed by anyone.

Well, half that plan succeeded.

I was on my way back from the kitchen, tiptoeing while holding two loafs of bread, when I heard voices up on the main deck. My heart began to beat rapidly and I looked towards the door to my room, wondering if I could make it in time or if I should search for a hiding place instead. My decision was made for me when I heard one of the voices grow louder, and suddenly I realized it was Mr. Gibbs, who had been steering the ship when I went to bed, talking to Jack.

"Cap'n this is a strange set of circumstances, to be sure. Firs' the girl..."

Well, if they were going to talk about me...! I ducked behind a wall and wedged myself in between two crates, hidden in shadow. I couldn't see them, but I could hear them quite clearly and knew they couldn't be too far away. Gibbs was still talking.

"...jes' shows up onboard, and then Tortono jes' let's us go like it's nothing..."

"_That_ is not bad," Jack quipped, and was ignored by Gibbs.

"And now ye've let the lass lead us around without telling us where in the name of Davy Jones she's taking us or why we're going there. If we don't change course, we'll be in Port Royal in less than a day Cap'n! Port Royal! With a ship full of scallywags and ye with a price on ye head!"

Port Royal? I gave a wordless little gasp and leaned back on my feet, the bread and my hunger nearly forgotten, thinking again: _Port Royal?_ Well, it _did_ seem to be the last place on Earth that Jack needed to be at that moment, so the compass must have done its job. Still... wow. While I considered the luck involved in that, Gibbs continued.

"What if that lass is jes' leading us around, Cap'n? What if she's in it with Tortono? You know he's been fighting mad since ye stole that paper with that mess on it... what if--"

I gasped, suddenly involved in their conversation again. Since he _stole that paper?_ Stole from Tortono? As in, Jack Sparrow did not actually kill the poor old man but instead stole the paper from the man who did and then lied to me to make me scared enough to listen to him? As in that damn piece of paper? I huffed, and both of the men stopped talking for a second as if they had heard the noise. My blood running cold, I stayed perfectly still until enough time had passed that they thought they had imagined it. Jack spoke next.

"Aye, Gibbs. But unless ye've forgotten what that mess says, the only way to the treasure be through the lass. Through her heart."

Gibbs made a little noise, like a scoff.

"And what the buggering hell does that mean?" he asked gruffly. Jack laughed but did not answer, which scared me just a little.

"Don't ye worry yeself about the lass leading us astray, Gibbs. I've got something in the way of... leverage," he said finally, after a long moment of silence.

"Leverage?" Gibbs said, then seemed to remember what Jack was referring to, making a small noise in the back of his throat. "Aye Jack, at least there's that."

They were quiet after that, the conversation over it seemed, but I stayed in that spot for a few minutes longer, afraid to move. Finally I heard Jack (I could tell his strides from the others, even without seeing him) make his way over to his cabin and shut the door, and Gibbs walked back up to the front to resume his duty at the helm. Only then did I slide out of my hiding spot, bread in hand, and make my way back to my room. Once I had shut the door (this time slower, as I knew it would creak), I leaned against the wall with my bread clutched in my hands and my thoughts spinning. My stomach felt full with dread and I wasn't sure I was hungry anymore.

What the hell had he meant by leverage?

&&&&&

I was up the next morning almost before anyone else, feeling as though I hadn't slept at all. I had finally ate the bread and my stomach was hurting the worse for it, but at least it had stopped growling and I no longer felt the hunger cramps I'd had last night. Looking out at the sun peeking just over the horizon I found that if I turned I could still see some stars out in the opposite direction, and the beautiful sight calmed my nerves just a little. Blowing a breath out between my teeth, I leaned as far out over the edge of the ship as I dared, gripping the railing tightly and leaning up on tip-toe to watch the water split before the bow. I felt on edge, nervous, and the action suited these emotions.

I stayed there for a few minutes, though I don't know how many, before I looked up and saw something that made my heart sink down below my ankles. Was that land already? Christ, it was sooner than I had thought. What would I do once we got there?

As if to confirm my vision, I hear a voice above me begin to shout: "Land ho!" and men started filing out onto the deck and to their jobs. Among them was the captain, looking smug and quite a bit more chipper than the day before, and I blew out a sigh of frustration in his direction before turning back to the sight of land. Port Royal huh? This was what I had wanted. Or had the compass known I wanted something more than what was on the surface? What if what I had wanted- truly wanted, deep down in my heart- was to continue with this adventure? What if seeing this through was my only way of ever making it home?

Jack moved closer beside me and stared until I was forced to glance up.

"Well, love?" he said, and the look in his eye seemed to be asking me the same question I had been asking myself: now what? I bit my lip and thought, long and hard. Well, I'd never been to Port Royal in real life before and I didn't even know anyone who lived there except for...

Oh. Yeah.

Well, it wouldn't do anything except buy me more time but even that would help, so I drummed my fingers on the rail nonchalantly and said,

"Well, first we'll need to visit Will and Elizabeth. Now I'm assuming..."

"How do you know Will and 'is lass?" he asked, eyes narrowed at me in undisguised surprise. I smiled a wicked smile (I think I must be very sadistic because his confusion instantly made me feel a bit better) and shrugged.

"I know all sorts of things that you need to know, Jack." He opened his mouth to correct me but I didn't give him the chance. "Captain. Unfortunately though, I only know _of_ William and Elizabeth, so I'm afraid you're going to have to lead me to them. Now I'm assuming you know where we can find them?"

Jack nodded, still looking uncomfortable with my knowledge, and I ignored him to turn back to Port Royal, which was growing larger each passing second. I could see a dock now and several large ships in the harbor. The sun was heating my back, now further up in the sky, and around my neck I could feel my locket, still warm from being in my pocket all night. Beneath my feet, the ship swayed gently on the ocean and it surprised me because I had grown so accustomed to the sensation that I hardly noticed it at all now. That scared me. It scared me because this place, this world, was becoming normal to me now. I was growing accustomed to its sights and smells and sensations.

And I felt farther from home than I had ever been.

I snapped out of my reverie to find Jack staring at me, a peculiar look on his face.

"What are you looking at?" I snapped, feeling embarrassed by him catching me in a vulnerable moment. He smiled at me, a knowing look in his eye, and I was surprised by how kind he looked in that very brief moment. It was almost as if he had understood what I had been thinking.

But then he smiled harder, and pushed himself up off the railing.

"Your breasts, love," he said conversationally, before walking away.

It was my scream of frustration- not caused by, but certainly brought out by, Jack's comment- that signaled our arrival to all of Port Royal.

&&&&&

"It's a shilling to tie your boat up at the dock," a slightly familiar looking man with a white wig said as Jack and I stepped onto the dock. The other men had been given strict orders to stay behind and guard the ship until we returned, which seemed to me like an accident just waiting to happen. A ship (a very famous pirate ship at that), filled to the brim with outlaws and scallywags alike, in the middle of a city that just happened to be surrounded by the Royal Navy... what part of that _didn't_ sound like a horrible idea? At any rate, Jack didn't seem too concerned with anything other than the man in front of us at the moment, and I already had too much to be concerned with myself to spare the emotion.

"And I shall need to know your name," the man continued, without looking up. I sighed, annoyed.

"Oh for the love of God. His name is Mr. Smith," I said, jerking a thumb at Jack. "And he'll give you three shillings to keep your trap shut, just like last time."

Jack, whose hand had been dipping into his pocket, now looked at me. Apparently, he was scandalized that I was giving his rum money away, even though I knew he'd been ready to make the exact same proposition I just had.

"Ah, yes," the old man said, tipping his head back to look at Jack. His refined English sounded quite odd after living with pirates for a few days. "Mr. Smith. You did bring quite a bit of trouble with you the last time you came. Quite more than three shillings worth, I'd dare say." He gave Jack a pointed look and I was worried for a moment that the Captain might kill the poor snob rather than give him more money. I stepped forward, intervening.

"Five shillings then," I said, ignoring Jack's look of outrage. The man nodded his head in agreement and I turned to look at the pirate, who was currently staring at me with a look of his own.

"All right, Captain Morgan," I prodded him, smacking his elbow to move him into action. "Give the man his money so we can get on with the show."

He dug five shillings out of his pocket, muttering something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "_nothing is worth putting up with this little..." _before he cut himself off and dropped the money into the man's waiting hand. One of the coins fell out of the older man's grip, and when he bent over to retrieve it I used the opportunity to snatch the little pouch of coins that was sitting on the stand. I waited until we had stepped off the dock and out of sight before I jingled them at Jack and watched his annoyed look disappear to be replaced with one so closely resembling respect that it made me smile.

"Bloody pirate," he told me, smiling as he took the coins.

I made a face, though I was not at all as offended as I should have been.

"Watch your damn mouth. I'm no pirate."

Jack turned his head just a little, smiling out of one corner of his mouth but just enough that I could see one of his gold teeth.

"Stealing from the unsuspecting? Using language fit to make a black-hearted pirate like meself blush?" I laughed at the idea of Jack blushing and he tried to look innocent. "Aye, Mary me lass. You're a pirate at heart if I ever knew one."

We stepped onto dry land and I let him lead the way, a pace or so in front of me with that swagger of his: hips leading, arms swinging, and a smile on his face for no good reason. I wasn't sure why, aware as I was that the situation could only get worse from here, but for the first time in days I felt sort of happy being where I was.

And that was the strangest thing of all.

&&&&&

**AN: Ok, this chapter was long, but I'm not 100 happy with it to be honest. Hopefully the next two chapters (which are going to be crammed full with exciting things that I can't talk about yet) will make up for this one. If I get lots of reviews for this one, I'll try to post the next one within the week. Not blackmailing, just being honest. I type faster the more reviews I get. :) Hope you guys enjoy and please review!**

**Replies to reviews:**

PrecariousPersonata: Yay, I'm so glad you find this even slightly original. lol. Thank you for reviewing! Oh, and to answer your question: yes. ;) but that's all I can say about that.

Salsagirl626: thank you for reviewing and thanks for naming specific things that you liked! It helps me know what's working and what isn't. I think you can tell by now though that Mary isn't a very good leader. lol

Crazy-obsessed-jacksparrow-fan: not only did you make my year with your very nice comments (THANK YOU), I looked on your profile and we have a lot in common. Besides a mutual love of Jack Sparrow, you like Paul McCartney too? I love, love, love the Beatles and I saw Macca live once. He's wonderful. :D Thanks for reading!

TheShoelessOne: eh, well, I guess this means you didn't get your ridiculously quick update right? (KH is sheepish). Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I have so many talented people reading my story. I haven't read your two newest ones yet (I promise to review when I do) but your Norrington stories are always so well done and bitter sweet. :) Don't know why I put that here, I just did. lol

BadLuck: Thank you for saying you like how Jack is acting. That is, by far, the hardest part about writing this. Luckily I get to watch the movie over and over again while writing the chapters, so it's not as bad as I make it sound. lol.

Leanan Sidhe: First of all, here's another one of those talented writers I'm talking about! Get thee from my page and update your stories! (kidding... sort of). I knew the topic of setting would come up. It's actually set between the first movie and the second, so when this one ends it will be right at the beginning of the second one. Hopefully that will become more evident as we go along and very evident by the end. Thank you for reviewing. :)

Tiddlywinx: thank you. I'm glad you like it and I hope you continue to do so. :)

The Noble Platypus: Toronto _is_ a rough city :P kidding, I've never been. That name is so stupid anyway, there's roughly eight thousand ways to make fun of it. Hell, I _wrote_ Toronto by accident when I was trying to type it the first time, so I figured at first that you had spotted something I hadn't caught and had to go back to check to make sure. And why do I find it hot that Jack would scream like a girl? (I think I might need therapy. lol) Thanks for reading and reviewing!

KayleeG: Don't be scared! I won't leave ya hanging. I'm glad you liked this chapter and you think it's funny. Sometimes I think my sense of humor is a little off from everyone else's. lol. Thanks for reviewing!


	7. Chapter 7

**AN:** um... wow. It's been a while, huh? Well, there's finally an update on this and although I admit that I loath this chapter I am excited to say that this story will be finished and that the next few chapters are going to be MUCH more exciting and should be coming shortly as they are almost completed. I'm going to apologize for being away so long but I won't bore you with the typical excuses, true that they are. So, without any further ado, here is more of DATD... please remember to comment after reading. I promise the update will come soon (within a week or so) if you guys review and keep me motivated. :)

Again, sorry, but I hope you enjoy.

_**Chapter Seven**_

It wasn't until the butler opened the door at the governor's mansion that I even thought about how awful Jack and I must have looked. As it was, the look on the butler's face as he opened the heavy wooden door to find us on the doorstep rendered words completely unnecessary. He wrinkled his nose at us, although whether it was from distaste or our smell I'm not sure, and started to close the door again as if he didn't even see us. Jack, being the charming fellow that he is, put his hand out to stop the door and slid one boot into the crack of space before it could close.

"Yes, I'll be needing to see the lass Elizabeth," he said, with a wide smile that left his gold teeth gleaming. The butler looked at him, unshaken but surprised, as if Jack was a cockroach who, seconds away from being stepped on, had suddenly obtained the ability to speak.

"Miss Swann is busy with guests and cannot be bothered." The butler's cool blue eyes surveyed the both of us with an air that was as snooty as his words. "Now, if you will please remove yourself from this doorway before I call the governor and inform him that two pirates are on the premises..."

"I'm not a pirate!" I said at the same time Jack said, "Right then," and shoved the door open the rest of the way. Surprised for the first time, the butler jumped back and I scurried in after the captain who was already inside, smiling somewhat sheepishly as I followed him. Dirty or not, he was all kinds of hot when he took charge like that.

"Elizabeth? Elizabeth, love?" Jack called, his arms open wide as he walked through the house. Behind us the butler was starting to get his bearings again but Jack was already entering a sitting room.

"Jack Sparrow?" came a familiar voice, thin and high with surprise. I couldn't see her yet as Jack had beat me to the doorway but still I knew it was Elizabeth.

"Jack?" another voice echoed, Will Turner. I heard a gasp and a laugh and Jack jerked to a stop so suddenly in the doorway of the sitting room that I barreled into him with enough force to knock him the last foot or so into the room. Grabbing his right shoulder to steady myself, I pulled myself up to peek into the room and gasped at the four faces I saw.

Behind me I could hear the smug sound of the butler clearing his throat. Jack's shoulder was tense under my fingers but I wanted to die from laughing at the irony.

"As I was saying," the butler chimed in smoothly, "Miss Swann is busy with her guests, Miss Olivia Von Harrisburg and Commodore Norrington."

And I wasn't sure which was stranger: the fact that the one person in the whole town we had hoped to avoid was sitting in front of us now, or the fact that my roommate from the year 2007 was sitting beside him on the before thought fictional character Elizabeth Swann's couch.

Curiouser and... ok, no, not even that phrase was capable of describing this moment.

The silence dragged on for roughly an eternity, no one knowing what to say or do. I made eye contact with Amanda (what had he called her? Olivia von whowhatsit?), seeing the shock and surprise I felt mirrored on her own face. Beside her Norrington stood, his hand straying almost as if by accident to his sword. He was still nicely dressed, obviously still a Commodore, and I wondered when it was he would have his falling out with the East India Trading Company. I know you'll think this is strange, seeing as he was staring at Jack and I like we were vermin, but I actually felt sorry for him remembering what happened to him in the second movie.

It was Jack that moved first, reaching behind me to shut and lock the door to the sitting room, nearly slamming the door on the butler in the process. Once he had done this, he turned to Norrington, smiling widely.

"Well then, Commodore, tea time with the ex-bonnie lass and 'er lad? Yer a better man than I, mate," he said. I winced, removing my hand from his shoulder and stepping back just a little to put distance between us. I knew that comment was going to backfire. How could a comment like that NOT backfire?

Norrington glared at him, the look on his face a snarl of anger.

"That is a fact that is common knowledge, Sparrow," he said, spitting the name as if it offended him as much as the person it belonged to. He breathed in deeply once, as if trying to gain control, and stepped forward. "I have to say... you're braver than I'd give you credit for, returning to Port Royal. Did you really think I would let you go a second time?"

Jack smiled. It was THAT smile. I had a feeling it might, quite literally, be the death of me.

"I just couldn't keep myself away, mate," he said, leaning forward as if to pat the Commodore on the shoulder but pulling back at the last moment when Norrington directed his glare at him again. Jack had the nerve to look hurt.

On the couch, Amanda was still sitting beside Elizabeth, her blond hair pulled up in an elaborate hairdo of the times with lots of curls and clips and pins and I was having a hard time breathing. It was one thing to find myself here. I had, after all, always fantasized about something like this even though nowhere near to this extent. But not only didn't Amanda share my enthusiasm for Jack Sparrow, she didn't even read fanfiction, let alone write it. She didn't make fun of my obsessions but she had certainly never joined in either. So what was she doing here? WAS this a dream? Or...

"And who is this? A female pirate?" Norrington's voice brought me back to the conversation, and I was surprised and dismayed to be pulled into it so soon. Wasn't there enough going wrong this room without bringing me into it? Then his words sunk in.

Jack said, "This is me lass, Mary."

At the same time I said, "I'm not a pirate."

The room was silent for just a moment, but then...

"Not a pirate?" scoffed Norrington, at the same time Elizabeth said, "Your lass?" at the sae time Amanda/Olivia said, "Mary?"

Another moment of silence. When everyone opened their mouths again, I knew I had to intervene.

"Wait!" I shouted, raising my arms. Everyone turned to look at me surprised. I turned to Elizabeth first. She was pretty and had kissed Jack. I hated her on principal but only in a quiet way, so that my obsessed fangirlness didn't show, see?

"I'm not his lass." Elizabeth didn't look entirely convinced so I put my hand up to my heart, as if swearing. "I'm actually pretty sure he would kill me if he didn't need me." I shot a pointed look at Amanda whose shock seemed to slowly be fading into amusement. It wasn't a feeling I shared. Maybe she didn't know how bad this could get, but I had been living with pirates for the past few days and had a bit more of an idea. "And yes, OLIVIA, my name is Mary."

I turned my attentions to Norrington, who seemed to be studying me and finding me not up to par.

"And you... you what do you mean saying 'female pirate' that way? Are you implying that women couldn't be pirates? Or that they wouldn't be just as good as male pirates? Because they could be and they are!" I shouted, feeling vindicated for a brief moment for bringing women's lib to whatever century this was. Then, seeing Jack's smirk, I hastened to clarify: "I'm just not! That's all."

"Wait!" Will said, jumping to his feet. The room went silent once again as we all turned to look at him. The utter confusion on his face made my annoyance fade a little. It suddenly struck me how very absurd this situation was, somehow more absurd than merely ending up in the false reality of a movie. We were trapped in a room together, bickering like children: two outlaws (I was with Jack, I had to include myself in that), the governor's daughter, the ex-fiancé (sort of) to the governor's daughter (who also happened to be a rather important authority figure himself), and the new fiancé (definitely) to the governor's daughter (who had also helped said outlaw escape from said authority figure's clutches).

That didn't even make sense to me and I'm the one that just thought it.

"Why..." Will started, but looking at each of us he seemed to be considering the question. He looked at Jack especially carefully. "Jack, why are you here?"

Jack smiled widely, none of his actions betraying even the slightest bit of nervousness at the situation.

"A treasure hunt mate!" he said, and giving Elizabeth a wicked look added, "Would ye like to join?"

The gleam in his eye made me unsure as to what exactly he was asking her to participate in.

"You're not going anywhere Sparrow," Norrington said, taking one more step closer to Jack and I and now drawing his sword. I gulped and grabbed the back of Jack's shirt. We may have been bickering like children, but some of us were carrying dangerous weapons and I wasn't one of them. I could feel the situation spiraling out of control and I knew I had to do something quickly. The problem was, I never have been very good at that whole 'voice of reason' thing, and I doubted that had changed drastically in the past few days.

Oh well, it was worth a shot.

"Wait wait wait!" I yelled, stepping out into the center of the room and nearly colliding into a small table that held some tea cups. I was about the fourth person to shout that word in the last few minutes and it was losing its effectiveness. Four reluctant pairs of eyes swung my way and I froze for a moment, not knowing what to say now that I had a captive audience. Sensing I was close to losing them again to an all out sword fight, I rushed on without giving myself time to think.

"Ok, now. OK! There is no reason why we can't all stay in one room together for a few minutes without killing each other right?" Silence. The look on Norrington's face was the strangest mixture of annoyance and surprise. "Right! Now you, Norrington," I pointed, "Norry if you will. You would consider yourself to be a good man, right?" I had learned from my previous mistake and didn't wait for an answer this time. "Well, see, Jack is a good man too. Now I know that he's a pirate and he had your girl taken from you and your life wrecked and he caused you to lose your job and everything important to you, not to mention..."

Jack elbowed me sharply and gave me a look that said, "Stop anytime."

I swallowed.

"The truth is..." I sighed and smiled sadly. "The truth is all of those things. But the truth is also this: this man has kept me safe when he didn't have to, and he's saved many other lives that I've known about as well, some of which are in this very room."

I looked to Elizabeth and Will, who each had tiny, knowing smiles on their faces.

"You're a good man Commodore, and Captain Sparrow is too in his own way. If you can't agree on anything else, can't you at least agree on that?"

The room was silent for a long moment after I said that, and I think most or all of them was as stunned by my little speech as I was. I'd had a long time in my own world to fall in love with each of their characters, and although they couldn't possibly know or understand that, none of them seemed to doubt my sincerity. Even Norrington was so momentarily stunned that he lowered his sword and shifted back, a tiny movement but a victory nonetheless. Beside me, Jack laid a filthy hand over his heart and regarded me with a mock sincerity of his own that would have made me laugh under less strenuous circumstances.

"Quite frankly lass I'm touched," he said. He was pretending to wipe away a tear and I was giving him the dirtiest look I could muster when we heard the noise outside: the sound of boots thudding on the expensive marble floor, a clang of something metal and then... then the butler's voice rising above those noises and saying, "Right through here officers. They've barricaded themselves in with them."

Startled, I looked to Jack hoping to see that he already had a plan only to see him looking back at me with a similar face. I heard the doorknob jingle once as someone tried the lock and felt fear fill me, so swift and complete that I was momentarily overwhelmed. We could go through the window, but they would surely chase us and win, seeing as how there was two of us and God knew how many of them. Not to mention the fact that they had guns. Can't forget that.

I felt Norrington's hand clasp around my wrist and I knew it was over. He was going to hold me there until the officers came in and clamped the irons on me and there was nothing anyone could do about it, not even Jack who was pulling his sword out. To my surprise though, he grabbed Jack as well, and with one quick yank had knocked us across the room, in front of another door. Confused, I opened it to find a small closet with shelves across the back holding linen. I looked back up at Norrington and he gestured for us to go in, looking exasperated. I did so right away, but Jack seemed to hesitate. Hearing the lock rattle again, I reached out for him and, grasping his arm, pulled at him as hard as I could. The closet door clicked shut just as the other door was kicked open by an overzealous guard, and for the second time in so many days I was in the dark with Captain Jack Sparrow pressed up against me.

"Well, well," he whispered. His trinkets jingled and I knew he was smiling without even being able to see his face. His hands were on my hips and I'm not going to lie, I was enjoying myself. Still there were more important matters at hand.

"This is an interstin' situation..."

I stomped his foot, 'shhhing' him. Outside our hiding place I could hear the sound of boots moving closer and a bang as the door knocked back against the walls. I held my breath, waiting for Norrington to speak. I couldn't think of a single reason why he would help us, but it seemed he was.

"Commodore," a man spoke, his crisp British accent was barely hindered from the exercise of kicking the door in. He did, however, sound surprised to see Norrington.

"I was not expecting you sir. We were told by the butler that, well..." here he hesitated, perhaps considering his grand entrance and the fact that clearly no danger was in sight.

"Yes?" Norrington pressed. Jack's hands were drifting and I was blushing now despite our dire situation. I tried to move his hands to a more suitable place besides my bottom and Jack seemed to find this even more amusing, pressing his lower body against me. My mouth opened in shock.

"Well sir," the officer continued outside, "We were told that Jack Sparrow was here and he had locked himself in this room with Miss Swann."

"Do you see Jack Sparrow here?" Norrington asked. In the closet I was gritting my teeth.

"What... what is... tell me that's a broom, Sparrow. Tell me that's not what I think it is," I hissed. Jack smiled into my ear, I knew because I could feel his lips curving against my skin, and despite myself I felt my skin tingling in that spot.

"Well love..." he drawled. I squealed as his hands slipped down for a firmer grip on my butt and the noise outside ceased so quickly that we both froze. Jack's hand had flown over my mouth and suddenly the breaths near my ear were shallow and unsteady.

"Did you...?" the officer started but Norrington cut him off cold.

"I asked you a question officer."

"Yes sir," the officer started, clearly hesitant. "And to answer that question, no, no I do not see Jack Sparrow."

"Then I'm afraid the butler has wasted your time. Now if don't mind, we would like to finish our tea."

Jack's hand was still over my mouth and he had me pressed as tightly against him as he could with his hand in the way. He was not teasing now, but as alert as he could be.

"Is there anything else?" Norrington asked after a moment, his voice haughty and slightly irritated. He was a good actor (well, I mean the man that plays him is a good actor too, but by this I mean the character was... ok, nevermind, you get it I'm sure).

"No sir," the officer said quietly. There was a pause, then the sound of boots again. "We're sorry to have bothered you Miss Swann."

We heard the door click shut and I breathed a sigh of relief through my nose because Jack's hand was still clamped tightly over my mouth. He laughed that breathy laugh of his and moved his hand away, turning me so that I was angled looking up at him. There was a look in his eye... I won't call it desire although I'm tempted (as any honorable Mary Sue would be) to call it that, but more a look of self-assurance. It was as if his eyes were saying, "Yeah, I could have her if I wanted to." I'm sure what my eyes said back would not be allowed to be written in some of the nastiest, rated NC-17 stories. Then he moved his hand to a place that shall not be named, and pressed his luck entirely too far.

I was smacking him when they finally opened the door on us, pounding his arm with all of my strength as he tried to look repentive and failed miserably. I stopped finally, breathing deep to clear my head and looked out at an unsmiling room.

"We need to talk," hissed Amanda/Olivia, but I was busy trying to read the expression on Norrington's face. Don't get me wrong, I love him in the movies and think he's a very sympathetic character, but in this story I was in it with Jack Sparrow and he didn't have a reason in the world to help me. I didn't trust him one bit.

"M... erm... Mary!" Amanda repeated, and I finally looked up at her. Her blue eyes were large and excited and she was nodding her head so hard that her hair was coming undone. "We. Need. To. Talk. Now."

"Do you know each other?" Elizabeth asked, the very vision of prim and proper now in her off white dress. Still I knew what she was capable of. But how to answer her question? I was stuck, forced to rely on my bad fanfiction history. What happened in all those horrible stories?

"Yes, well, Olivia and I used to be friends... NO! Sisters! Separated at birth! Yeah, that's right!" I was now nodding more frantically than Amanda and had the attention of the entire room, especially Jack who was looking at me even stranger than usual. "We used to play together all the time and one day we were on a ship together and the ship sunk and killed our real parents but Olivia here escaped and was raised by rich people while I was rescued and raised by pirates and this is the first time that we've seen each other since that fateful day..." I wiped at the corner of my eye as if wiping away a tear and the room was silent for an extremely long time. Finally Elizabeth said simply, "Oh. I see," and it was clear she didn't have anything else to say to that.

"How can you be a writer and such a crappy liar at the same time? I don't understand it," Amanda said lowly. I glared at her but she wasn't deterred. Instead she began pulling on my arm in earnest, trying to get me away, but I found myself looking back at Jack. He didn't seem concerned at all about Norrington, though I knew that to not be entirely true. Jack had nearly been hung in this town before because of the Commodore; he knew better than to underestimate him.

I finally allowed myself to be pulled away, however I watched Jack the whole time as he sauntered over and flopped down into an all white chair, dirt flying up around him in a halo. Elizabeth and Will seemed to wince at the same time while Norrington regarded him with thinly disguised repulsion.

"Can you believe this?" Amanda whispered. I looked at her, relieved to see the familiar face. "I mean look at me!" she gestured to her dress and hair, not to mention her ample looking bosom. "I mean, they think I'm the daughter to some Lord or something! They've been dressing me in the stuff and feeding me and..."

"Are your boobs bigger?" I asked suddenly. My annoyance didn't merely grow: it _multiplied_, doubling and tripling as I stood there, remembering all my wishes before starting this little journey and knowing the way it had turned out instead. Amanda beamed, and no wonder. She had gotten everything I'd wanted coming into this and more.

"Heck yeah! Look at 'em! Aren't they awesome?"

"This isn't fair!"

"Huh?"

"It's not _fair_!" I wailed. "This is my self-insert story! I was the one who was drunken fan-fic writing, not you!" I pointed at her, accusingly. "You don't even like it! Do you know what I've been doing the past few days? Look at me!"

She took in my dirty clothes and hair and made a face, kind of like a grimace and a shrug combined.

"I've been living on a pirate ship! With pirates! In dirty clothes! Unable to shower! And here you are the whole time with your giant boobs and your pretty hair, living up the rich life which is what I'm supposed to be doing! Me! Not you!" I was trying not to shout but it wasn't easy.

"You look skinnier," Amanda offered.

"That's because I've had nothing but stale bread and rum for a week!" I WAS shouting now.

"Hey now, you can't blame this on me," Amanda countered, raising her voice now too. "I don't even know why I'm here. And it hasn't been all easy on me either."

"Oh really?" I asked smartly, my hands on my hips. I knew the others could probably hear us now but I didn't care. "What happened? Did you choke on a bon-bon? Or did the annual 'filthy rich and beautiful people' ball get canceled?"

"One word bitch: corset!"

We stopped and looked at each other for a moment, nearly nose to nose we had been in each other's faces and yelling so much. Then, like a needle popping a balloon, the ridiculousness of the situation slipped in and broke the tension, and we both fell against each other as we began to laugh.

When we had calmed down some, Amanda asked, "What is going on? Why are we here?"

I sighed and wiped a tear of laughter from the corner of my eye. Ah, so this was what hysteria felt like... I sighed.

"I'm still holding onto the hope that this is a really elaborate dream. Or maybe a nightmare! Did I tell you I'm being confused with some other girl who has a treasure and is being chased by an evil pirate named after Mexican food? Can you believe this shit?" I had meant it to be funny, but Amanda had suddenly stopped laughing just as quickly as we had begun.

"That's you? Oh my God. Tortono is coming after you?"

"How does everyone know about this guy?" I asked, throwing my hands up in mock exasperation. The look on Amanda's face made me go still. Unlike me, she wasn't much for dramatics and I knew something had to be really wrong to make her scared that way.

"Norrington's been talking about him. Everyone has been," she said, dropping her voice lower to whisper. "He's supposed to be one of the most vicious pirates ever. They say he kills whole families! Will told me yesterday that he and his men burnt half of Tortuga to the ground only days ago!"

My heart fluttered once, twice, then seemed to stop. I remembered being in that little alleyway in Tortuga, watching the pirates run past us. They had been looking for us, and Jack had said they had let us go. But then why had they burned Tortuga afterwards? To make a point? I wanted to cry.

"Tell me again, why is he chasing you?" Amanda asked quietly.

"He thinks I'm some girl with some godforsaken treasure! I met the girl even. She does look like me." I added the latter part almost as an afterthought, then leaned closer to whisper, "Jack thinks I'm her too. It's the only reason he didn't throw me off into the ocean. I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do if I don't wake up from this soon."

She nodded.

"Well you better watch out for Norrington too. He was looking for Jack before you two even showed up. That's why he was here talking with Elizabeth and Will."

"Yeah, I figured there was a reason he hid us. Wait." I gave her a dirty look. "Why were you here?"

Amanda beamed at me again. Now she was bragging and she didn't even care.

"I'm helping with their wedding. Our parents are family friends. Apparently."

I continued to glare at her but she ignored me. To my right I could see Jack telling some tall tale that had Will and Elizabeth smiling (just a little) and Norrington rolling his eyes. He was obviously biding his time, but for what?

"Well?" Amanda asked. She was smiling even harder now.

"Well what?"

"Well, have you molested him yet?"

I gestured for her to keep it down. Blushing, I said, "Christ Amanda, this isn't Johnny Depp! It's Jack Sparrow! He's a pirate! He smells bad! He could kill me any moment!"

"So, so, and so? I never would have thought that would have stopped you before. You lost your nerve, didn't you? You choked." She spoke matter of factly.

I scoffed.

"Yeah I choked... on his smell! Focus Amanda, we've been thrown back in time with pirates. Getting my freak on was a little low on my list of priorities."

Amanda bit her lip, holding back her laughter. I sighed.

"Ok, do you want to know the real reason?" She nodded. "It's just, well, I always used to make fun of stories like this, with the girls that are thrown into this world and then fall in love with Captain Jack and become the hero of the hour. I just couldn't stand the idea of being involved in one of those. I still can't, ya know?"

She looked at me, smiling in disbelief.

"I can't believe this. A lesson in morals from little miss 'I would hump his leg if I ever saw him in real life.' Well."

I smiled back but smacked her arm anyway. I'm pretty violent when I like people.

"So what now?" I asked, after a beat. "What does this mean? We have to get out of here before Tortono finds us but I'm worried about what Norry here has planned..."

"He mentioned something about a compass," Amanda said suddenly. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Compass? Jack's compass?" When she still looked a little lost, I added, "The one from the second movie?"

She seemed to think on it for a moment or two before recognition flooded her face.

"Yeah, that one! But why would he..."

I didn't wait for her to finish her question. I already had a good idea what was going on now and my mind was racing with the possibilities.

"The second movie! This must be before the second movie! Elizabeth and Will are still planning their wedding and Norrington must need the compass to give to Lord Cutler Beckett so that he can find..."

"Davy Jones!" Amanda screamed. I gave her a funny look which she rebuffed.

"I thought you didn't like 'Pirates'."

"I like it all right. I'm just not crazy obsessed with it, that's all."

I didn't think it was my imagination that she was being a tad bit defensive when she said that, either.

* * *

"And then they made me their chief," Jack finished with a flourish and a smile just as Amanda and I were rejoining the little group. Norrington looked as if he wanted to rip his own ears off and hit Jack in the face with him, a feeling I couldn't help but sympathize with on occasion.

"You need to quit telling that story," I said, making sure to wag my finger in the Captain's face, "because one day in the very near future it is going to come back to bite you in the ass."

Jack didn't seem in the least discouraged, but did stand nonetheless, making a big show of clapping his hands on his knees and weaving when he stood. I swear, I never saw someone make such a big production out of everything he did, the way that Jack did. Every move he made was deliberate.

"Well then," he said, smiling at the Commodore, "I believe we had an accord."

I watched in disbelief as he reached into his jacket pocket and handed Norrington his compass. Elizabeth and Will shared a look as well.

"Jack," I started, and he gave me a sharp look that surprised me.

"Mary lass, I promised the Commodore me compass and he's promised us safe return back to the Pearl. Now," here he looked at Norrington, but he was smiling again and had both hands out as if appealing to an old friend rather than someone who had attempted to hang him on a number of occasions, "if we are both men of our word..."

Norrington pocketed the compass, a faint smile gracing his lips.

"You have five minutes head start to your ship, Sparrow, after which my men will chase you and ensure you spend the evening in jail."

We stared at him, and Norrington took the opportunity to check a pocket watch for the time. His smile only grew deeper and more amused.

"Starting now, of course," he added. Jack, maybe not the brightest but surely not stupid, began to move towards the door immediately and I swear I nearly sighed out loud. I mean, I knew I couldn't stay there because it would basically be suicide, but at the same time I just didn't know if I had a chase scene left in me either. I mean, really, adventures are exhausting.

"Don't worry. I'll distract him," Amanda/Olivia whispered.

"How?"

"Look at these things," she exclaimed, pointing at her chest. "Aren't YOU distracted?"

I giggled, but that was cut short as Jack had realized I wasn't moving and had grabbed my arm.

"See you later?" I said, it was supposed to be a statement but it came out very much a question.

"Like, 2007-ish?" she said, smiling. She seemed so assured, and it made me feel a little bit better.

"Yeah."

Jack knocked the door open and we ran out of it, past a sputtering butler and out onto the front steps. I wasn't allowed to stop and catch my breath once out of the gate, however, as Jack's hand was tight on my wrist as he pulled me through Port Royal. I talked despite my shortness of breath though because, if you can't tell by now, running my mouth at the least opportune moments does seem to be a particularly strong personality trait of mine these days.

"I..." puff, "can't believe..." puff, "you gave him your..." puff, "compass!" Wow. Someone needed to call 1-800-Jenny, huh? Jack didn't turn his head but I could see his smile from the side.

"I didn't need that one," he said. I would have stared at him if we hadn't been running and close to fainting from the exertion.

"THAT one? What do you mean THAT one? Do you have more than one? Why would you need more than one?"

"In case I need to go North."

"In case... ahhh..." I realized what he meant suddenly, because I knew his compass didn't point North (at least, the one we needed certainly didn't), and I gave him a look of admiration. I had changed a lot in the past few days.

"You're horrible," I laughed. It wasn't an insult and he certainly didn't take it that way. Up ahead I could see the port and the Black Pearl waiting for us.

"Aye but back there you said I was a good man?"

"And you said you were a man of your word!"

"I didn't say which word."

"I..." I tried to say something smart back but I couldn't help it, I started laughing. My pace slowed and he had to jerk hard on my arm to get me to keep up, and still I laughed. "It must have been wishful thinking," I said finally. We had finally left behind the cobblestone streets and our boots landed hard with thuds on the wooden dock.

"What t'was?" Jack asked.

"Me saying that you were a good man. It must have been wishful thinking."

Anamaria took one look at us running down the dock towards the ship and yelled for someone to lift up the anchor and let out the sails. We raced up the plank that led from the dock to the ship just as it was pulling away and touched ground on the boat as the plank fell down into the water beneath us. I was still laughing; laughing out my fear and frustration... laughing out my hysteria. I ran to edge of the ship, laughing over the side of it, wondering if I wasn't laughing if I would be screaming instead. Jack looked at me, seeming to understand.

"Honor in place of freedom? I wouldn't wish that on anybody," he said, and I looked at him in surprise, my laughter fading. I didn't know he had such beautiful words inside of him. He seemed deep in thought for a moment, and I waited, wondering what he would say now that he was feeling so thoughtful and wise...

"Or rum. I wouldn't trade it for rum either. Do we have any rum?" He turned away from me, apparently in search of the aforementioned rum. I sighed.

And just like that, things were back to normal.


	8. Chapter 8

_**The Damsel and the Distressed**_

**Chapter Eight**

I told them we now needed to go north. Why north, one may ask? Because they didn't have a compass that pointed in that direction now and it was funny watching them trying to figure out which way was which, although even that pleasure was very short lived. I only had the vaguest idea of what was north... you know, the obvious ones: snow, polar bears, the North Pole (SANTA!)... Beyond that though and your guess was as good as mine. All I could hope was that the immediate north didn't lead to Tortilla (Tortono) or to any members of the Royal Navy. I didn't have a lot of feelings on death but if given a choice in the matter it would be far, far into the future and preferably not by hanging.

The day was still fairly new as we left behind Port Royal and the sun was high over my head as I leaned against the railing and watched the town fade away. I knew Lord Beckett was not going to be happy with the compass Norrington was bringing him, and because of the second movie I already knew the outcome of that as well. It was strange watching all of the pieces come together, stranger yet to be inside of it while it was happening. Still, the breeze was in my face, blowing my long (unbrushed) hair behind me as we escaped into the horizon. Jack was shouting orders to life this and pull that, and for the first time in a while, I genuinely wasn't afraid.

Then I saw the Royal Navy's ship and a puff of smoke as their cannon fired on us and let out a scream so loud and high pitched that even the monkey jumped into the air in surprise.

"What the..."

There was a loud explosion as the cannon ball landed in the water just to the right of the ship. Jack began weaving more than usual but there was a smile on his face that had been notably missing from his run-in with Tortono. Jack had gone up against the Royal Navy before and apparently felt confident in doing so again.

"No worries Mary," the Captain said, with a smile and a loving pat to the rail of the ship, "The Black Pearl's the fastest ship in the Caribbean!"

I heard the same dull explosion from before and saw another puff of smoke as the Navy fired at us yet again. Again, my bloodcurdling scream broke through the air and again the cannon ball landed in the water, but this time it was close enough to wipe the smile from Jack's face.

"Stop firing on me bloody ship!" he shouted. Wasn't that the second time in so many days I had heard him saying those words? Did these people have any concept of the words 'peace and quiet'? I heard a swooshing sound as another set of larger sails were let out and quickly half ran, half stumbled down the stairs to the lower deck. I wasn't crying yet but I certainly felt capable of it.

I planted myself under the stairs, back to the wall in fetal position, and watched as the men (and Anamaria) scurried around the deck. They moved quickly, efficiently, everyone with a job to do and all doing their job as I slowly came undone in a panic beneath the stairs. After a few minutes with no more shots fired and a few deep breathing exercises for me, I noticed everyone on deck slowing down. Sheepishly, I poked my head out and was not surprised when everyone turned to look at me. I no longer expected anything to go my way in this world; I was only surprised I hadn't been killed yet.

Half of the men were smirking but Jack looked thoughtful, and that was never good.

"Tell me lass, was there a particular reason why I risked life and limb of me person to take you into Port Royal?"

He was standing above me and although I didn't mind the view, I was annoyed at his attempt to intimidate me. I stood, my cheeks still flushed from the embarrassment of my overreaction, and the crews apparent delight from it. Some of them were still laughing. I suddenly felt overwhelmed with annoyance at the realization that I had spent the bulk of the past few days being scared out of my wits, running or being dragged from this or that. What kind of story was this anyway? What kind of LIFE was this? I knew from experience (from both reading and writing) that bad stories were written out of laziness: too lazy to write the character correctly, to lazy to do something right, etc. I now had a vague realization that life was the same way; that if you allowed yourself to be dragged around all the time and didn't actively participate in it that you could hardly complain about the outcome because it was your own damn fault if you didn't like what you ended up with. You had to take control to be happy. Your life was no one's responsibility but your own.

I looked Jack square in the eye, no faltering there.

"I guess it's because you like me."

Jack smiled, stepped closer.

"Wrong answer, love. Do try again."

I didn't swallow. I didn't breathe. I didn't move.

"Then I guess it's because you need me. Because you can't get to where you need to be without me. Because I'm the only one who has what you want."

Jack smiled harder, took another step closer. He was practically on top of me but I wasn't backing down from this. A tiny nagging feeling in the back of my mind told me that backing down from this would be the end of me.

"Wrong again," he said, his smile neither dangerous nor genuinely happy. Despite his nearness, it was impossible to read his thoughts or actions. Then I realized it... he couldn't read me either, and it was driving him insane. I smiled back at him, and leaned in as close as I could, wrapping my hand around the sash at his waist. It was unexpected, and the surprised look on his face almost made me laugh out loud.

"Well, I guess that answer is just going to have to do for now though, isn't it?" I said, practically purring (me! Purring! Take that Elizabeth Swann!) and, giving his sash a playful tug, stepped past him and walked across the deck. Complete silence followed my graceful exit until, of course, I reached my room/broom closet where I did a victory dance that would have made Screech from 'Saved by the Bell' look like a respectable member of society. Being a boss bitch was fun, and it had its perks. No one talked to me for the rest of the day.

* * *

I sat on my cot in the broom closet until the sun had long gone done outside my door and the only sound I could hear was the steady swoosh of the wind and sea outside. I had sat there in a daze all day, hardly moving, and when I finally had the nerve to get up my legs creaked from the effort. Taking a moment, I leaned against the wall and breathed deep. I hadn't ate today either and I was feeling a little weak from it, though I knew it was my own fault. Well, partly my fault. The crew of the Black Pearl certainly hadn't been banging my door down trying to get me to eat, either. Now I had sat in the darkness all day thinking and for what? I still didn't have the slightest clue on how to get myself out of this mess.

Sighing deep, I pushed the door open and stepped outside into the moonlight. I could feel the key in my pocket when I walked, heavy and reassuring for some strange reason. The girl, my "twin," had told me to take care of it and somehow, maybe because we were so similar or maybe because she had lost so much, I felt obligated to do so. Plus I had a sinking idea that if it was found on me, it wouldn't matter what argument I made to the contrary. I would be forced to produce a treasure or be killed.

Out on the deck, I had to fight the urge to shiver despite the warm breeze. The moon over my head was large and nearly full, a pregnant thing that seemed almost alive. On deck, I could see Jack at the helm, standing straighter than I had ever noticed him stand before and I took a small, careful step forward. _Be a boss bitch,_ I told myself, mostly joking but partly, well, not. The words were useless, however, because the fear was back and it wasn't going anywhere. I could feel it growing inside me, becoming something almost living, like something that could survive on its on accord. I recognized the feeling. It was how I had felt standing in that alley in Tortuga, watching the pirates run past, and I suddenly felt ridiculous for the way I had been acting. I had joked and made fun of Tortono, mocking his name and doing anything and everything to distract myself from that horrible fear, but the truth was this: this man, this _pirate,_ was coming for me whether he had a funny name or not, and he wouldn't treat me like Jack did when he found me.

"Are you going to come out, or did ye plan on watching me all night?" Jack asked suddenly, without even turning around. I blushed a little and paused to take a deep breath before walking up the three small stairs to the upper deck. He looked back at me now, giving me a wary sort of half-smile which I couldn't help but return. Obviously my sex kitten wannabe/boss bitch/Mary Sue antics from earlier had unnerved him just a bit. He was unusually quiet.

"Why are you steering?" I asked finally, when it was clear he wasn't going to start a conversation. "I mean, you're the captain but can't you put it off on someone else?" He smiled straight ahead, running his surprisingly graceful looking hands around the wheel.

"Aye. I could," he said. I waited for him to continue. Satisfied that he wasn't going to, I pushed it.

"But you don't want to?"

He looked at me this time when he smiled, but the look in his eye was intense enough to make me recall our brief (one-sided, totally fabricated, non-existent) love affair in the closet of the Governor's mansion.

"Why would I want to? It's not just steering a ship, love. It's charting my course, controlling my destiny. It's freedom." I stared at him, shocked by something he said for the second time today. He nodded, seeing my face, and turned back with his profile to me once more, his smile now wicked. "Don't you have something that makes you feel that way? A good roll in the hay with a dirty pirate? By chance?"

"No! Please! I mean..." I blushed, which only caused to encourage him and didn't help my cause one bit. "Stop it!" I took a deep breath, struggled to regain composure. "If you must know, I like to write stories. I love it in fact."

Jack smiled at me knowingly.

"Stories about pirates?"

My face was, at this point, glowing. I probably looked like a lighthouse in the middle of the sea.

"No. Well, I mean, well yes. Sometimes. Stop laughing!"

Jack made an attempt at a straight face and took a swig of rum, offering it to me after. I crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head. I was used to being made fun of for fanfiction but never before had the person laughing at me been one of the characters!

"You should write a story about me, love," he said after a moment, slurring just a little. I would have laughed if I wasn't so flustered.

"I will," I said smartly, huffing. "And I'll make the last words '_Jack Sparrow was a good man.'_"

"Now why would you tell a lie like that?" he asked me, quite seriously. Then he put one finger out, wagging it in my face. "Besides, I can't let you end it like that. That's a horrible ending."

"Oh really?" I asked, irritated for no particular reason. Apparently it was possible to be offended by constructive criticism for a story that didn't even exist. "And what would you suggest?" Jack threw out his arms and the rum sloshed over a little bit out of his right hand.

"That's easy!" Here there was a dramatic pause in which he got right up in my face, his lips a scant few inches from my own. He looked endlessly pleased with himself. "The. End."

I swallowed thickly. "How clever of you," I said, and escaped backwards to the railing.

I stood there for a few moments in silence, looking straight ahead. The sea was a dark pane of untouched glass in front of us; the wind was blowing but the water was indifferent to it, unmoved. With the help of the moon, I could see straight out nearly to the horizon where a dark object seemed to be moving towards us. I squinted my eyes, leaning out nearly as far as I could without falling as if that would help. It was hard to see but it appeared to be... a ship?

"Jack," I said. Nothing. "Jack!" He was ignoring me. "Captain!" I said through gritted teeth, he looked up immediately.

"Yes?"

"Is that a ship?"

He left the helm and stood beside me, fumbling for a telescope (or that's what it looked like anyway), and just when I thought his smile couldn't get it larger... it, well, did.

"What colors are they flying, Cap'n?" Gibbs asked from behind us, and I jumped three feet in the air. Glaring at him, I covered my heart with my hand as I gasped big breaths through my mouth. And just like that, Boss Bitch left the building (ship).

"The Royal Navy," Jack said. Gibbs looked surprised, and he wasn't the only one.

"Norrington?" I asked.

"Better. Cargo ship." When I looked confused, he continued. "Free goods love. Care to do a bit of pillaging and plundering on the high seas?"

I felt scandalized momentarily and barely bit back a comment of, "You mean STEAL?" wide eyed innocent look and all. _Pirates,_ I reminded myself, _steal for a living._

"Should I wake up the men, Cap'n?" Gibbs asked and Jack nodded. I could feel my heart thudding inside my ribcage, something like an animal trying to break free. Gibbs left to go beneath and I heard his call of, "On yer feet ye scurvy dogs!" and the scramble of feet as they jumped up and did as they were told.

"Jack I don't..." my voice cut out. I felt hot and sick with a sudden, unexplainable fear. What was it about that ship, sliding across that glassy sea towards us, that filled my heart with fear? Was it actually... familiar? "I'm not sure this is a good idea, Jack," I said, and surprised him and myself by grabbing his jacket. He brushed me off like a man shooing a fly.

"Stand back love, and watch Captain Jack Sparrow at work."

The men poured out onto the deck, their eyes not full of sleep but excitement instead, and they immediately went to work yanking and pulling and heaving. The ship became closer as we moved faster, and soon we were quickly approaching it.

"Fire into the water!" Jack shouted.

"One into the water!" Gibbs repeated, and the Black Pearl was rocked with an explosion as the cannonball was fired. Jack yanked at the wheel and the ship lurched to the left, closer yet to the other ship.

"Jack, please!" I pulled at his jacket again, but he once more ignored me and I wasn't even sure what I would say to him if I finally got his attention. That I had a bad feeling? That something was wrong here? He would think it was an attack of my conscious and nothing more. He would think I was scared again. He crossed the ship to be there as they pulled up beside the other one and I felt fear flood my body from forehead to fingertips.

I knew that ship.

I had no reason to think that (it looked like any other ship, like one million other ships) but still I was sure. It was him.

"Dammit Jack!" I screamed as a plank landed between the two ships, a makeshift bridge between them. I yanked him, overwhelmed by strength and anger I had never known before, and was surprised when I actually knocked him back. He stumbled, falling through the open door of my "room," tripping over the low cot and landing in the floor behind it. I went after him, shutting and locking the door behind me, and listened with a pounding heart at the sound of him cursing me in the dark. I heard him as he struggled to get up, my eyes pressed firmly shut as he called me names I wouldn't dare think let alone repeat, and breathed unevenly with my body tight against the door. Soon he had recovered himself enough to stand in front of me and though he wasn't shoving me out of the way yet, I knew that wasn't far behind.

"Move," he said. His voice was gruff and serious.

"Look... outside," I whispered. It was a struggle to get the words out for the tears that were close at hand. When he grabbed my arm, I couldn't help it. I panicked and began to cry. "Christ Jack, it's him! Tortono! Look!"

He went still with his hand around my arm and although I could see him I could feel the stiffness in his body.

"Fucking look!" I smacked the window, shaking and nearly hysterical. His hand moved from my arm to my shoulder, from pushy to a reluctant sort of reassurance. Outside, Tortono's men were storming the ship with their swords drawn, and Tortono himself was walking the plank that led to the Black Pearl from the other ship. At least, I assumed he was Tortono, cause he was the scariest asshole I had ever seen in my life.

He was tall, though not unnaturally so, maybe 6'3 or 6'4. The problem was, he was wide as well, his shoulders broad and his arms long, almost abnormally so. His face was tan and almost handsome and a dark mustache on his upper lip along with a small goatee made him look nearly normal. It was the scar, which ran from the outer corner of his left eye to the edge of his lips, that made him look so terrifying. It was a jagged, ruthless looking thing, splayed out so that it took up nearly his whole left cheek and the eye drawn up in it. The scariest thing though was the smile: the way it drew up on one side made it appear to be more sneer than smile, and one side (the left side) of his mouth wouldn't even close up completely. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not one to judge people based on facial deformities, but I took one look at that guy and just knew deep down in my heart that he was evil. Of course, it probably helped that observation that the moment he was across the plank, he grabbed someone--Anamaria!--and held his sword to her throat. All noise ceased.

When he spoke, his voice was clear and loud despite his heavy Spanish accent, and it carried inside the little broom closet to Jack and I.

"Jack Sparrow, you spineless cur. Bring me the girl or I slit her throat."

I pressed my face into the door, crying harder. The grip on my shoulder tightened to the point of pain. Outside, Anamaria's face was pale and her eyes were wide as Tortono held her, one hand on her braid to hold her head back, the flash of the cutlass as it rested on her exposed neck.

"Would you let her die, Sparrow? Would you sit there, safe and warm, while I gutted her like a fish? I wonder..."

Outside, a few people shouted and there was the clatter of swords coming together, then someone cried out.

"Jack," I whispered. I was still crying but Anamaria was not. She looked scared but determined in Tortono's arms as small fights broke out around them. "Jack, this is all my fault and I have to fix this." He was not listening; it was like my words didn't even register. I remembered my thoughts from earlier (_and Jack, standing at the helm, talking about control and freedom..._) and just like that I knew what I had to do.

I reached into my pocket and grasped the key. Its heavy weight was instantly reassuring. I pulled it out and grabbed Jack's hand and he turned to look at me, _really_ look at me, for the first time. His eyes were dark, shining and honest in that moment, and something told me I was doing the right thing.

I pressed the key into his hand.

"I'm trusting you to come after me anyways," I whispered, and before he could answer or realize what I was doing (before I, myself, could even thing about it), I unlocked the door and shoved my way out on deck.


	9. Chapter 9

_**The Damsel and the Distressed**_

**Chapter Nine**

Jack grabbed at me as I went through the door but it was too late. I could barely feel the whisper of his fingertips as they grazed the back of my shirt. The crew stopped and looked at me as I moved towards them, their faces showing mixed emotions: part surprise, part respect, and part annoyance at my stupid show of heroism. Jack did not follow me out at first, and if he watched my slow walk to Tortono I couldn't see him to tell. The universe slowed as I kept walking, and it was as if the only people existing in it were me and my new enemy. He laughed as I approached, and Anamaria, still in his grip, flinched.

"Let her go and I'll go with you," I said, though my shaking voice sounded far from commanding.

Tortono smiled that same horrifying smile with the drawn up eye and malformed mouth. Anamaria seemed to not even breathe and I found myself holding my breath with her.

"You'll be coming with me senorita, no question about that." He gestured to two of the other men and they came at me, grabbing at my arms. I cried out, praying for one thing in this whole rotten story to go my way and attempted to fight off the other pirates. Needless to say, it was less than 30 seconds later when I found myself standing on the ship with my arms being held by two large pirates, hanging my head sadly at my situation. And what a situation it was: I hadn't gotten any action from Jack, my breasts were still small and my ass still huge, and I apparently hadn't obtained strange magical or physical powers to help me fight off the bad guys. What the hell was the point of this story?

I heard someone clear his throat and was surprised to see Jack behind us. I could only watch in amazement as he walked over to Tortono, pinched the blade of the sword delicately between thumb and forefinger, and moved it away from Anamaria's neck. He then proceeded to throw his arm around Tortono's own neck, although he had to stand on tip toe to do so. The only thing more surprising than this scenario was the fact that the latter pirate allowed it all to happen.

"Hello, mate! Long time no see and all that?" Jack smiled broadly and fluttered a hand at Tortono. "How's pirating been treating ye?"

If Tortono was capable of looking normal, he would have reminded me of a slightly more amused Norrington. Only much less handsome, and with terrifying facial deformities, and an evil gleam in his eye. Actually, now that I think on that, scratch that comparison. He looked nothing like Norrington.

"Jack Sparrow," Tortono said, his voice low and pleased. He pushed Anamaria away and she stumbled and nearly fell before being caught by a crew member of the Black Pearl. "I should cut you down where you stand. What's stopping me?"

Jack seemed to think on it. "My charming good looks? My roguish sense of humor?" He smiled as if there was nothing wrong with the situation, as if he wasn't, in fact, bartering for my life. The thought made me whimper, and the nasty man on my left jerked me hard. I fought the urge to let my head hang down and begin crying, but the noise had drawn the attention of Tortono. Jack followed his gaze and waved his hand at me as if I was inconsequential and could not be less important. I seemed to be the only one to know that to be true.

"Yes, mate, about that. It does seem as if there's been a slight misunderstanding regarding the bonnie lass. This is not, in fact, the girl you've been looking for. You, girl!" This part he directed at me. "Wot's your name?"

"Mary," I said, my voice barely strong enough to reach my own ears, let alone theirs. But still, Jack pressed.

"See, MARY," this he said slowly, as if speaking to a child. He patted the taller pirate gently, as if trying to consol him. "You are looking for MARIE. A very simple mistake, mate. No harm done, I assure you."

There was a long pause, and although Tortono was still smiling, it was a dangerous, flinty smile that made us all uncomfortable.

"Should I remind you again why you shouldn't kill me?" Jack asked, looking a little concerned. Tortono smiled even harder.

"To the ship, men!" he called, and they began dragging me across the plank to the other ship. I struggled at first before another sword was pulled out, then went perfectly still. I would rather be some place scary with my head still on my shoulders than on the Black Pearl with it, erm, not.

"That's fine!" Jack called, forcing a smile that looked something like a grimace. "Take her! She's nothing but trouble mate! I've been trying to get rid of her for days now!"

I looked back at him as I was being pulled off the plank, my feet touching down on the strange ship, and nearly burst into tears when our eyes caught again. I must have looked terrible because he suddenly hissed, "Bugger!" and went to pacing. Beside him Anamaria was looking at me with cool, calm eyes. I thought I could see something like respect in them as well, but that might have been wishful thinking.

Tortono put one foot on the plank and turned back to Jack. It was just him and a few other pirates still onboard the Black Pearl now, but no one dared approach him.

"I would rather not kill you, Sparrow, if for no other reason than I find you entertaining. But if you step in my way again I will see you run through and the Black Pearl at the bottom of the ocean. _Entiende usted?_" He turned back and made his way across the plank now as well, limping slightly as he went. He didn't wait for an answer to whatever question he had asked Jack, merely tilted his hat to him and smiled.

"Adiós."

Jack stood perfectly still for a moment, then walked to the helm of the ship and took the wheel in his hand, turning it.

Tortono made me watch as the Black Pearl pulled away, tears clouding my vision.

"You see? He runs. Jack Sparrow is smarter than he looks." He turned to look at me, his eyes opening wide in mock concern. "You seem surprised, senorita. Surely you didn't expect loyalty from a pirate?"

"No," I whispered, although whether I was answering his question or protesting Jack's leaving, even I wasn't sure. I had been in this world several days now and had been annoyed by Jack many times. Never before had I thought that watching him sail away would be like watching my last hope leave me, but it was.

I had no one.

* * *

We stood there waiting for a moment in the darkness after Jack had left. Tortono was standing in front of me, watching as I struggled to fight the tears that were coming now matter how hard I tried to fight them. He smiled down at me, seeming to enjoy the ease with which I was breaking, and laughingly demanded I be taken down to the brig. I had learned my lesson the first time, and went without protest.

You would think a ship would just be a ship, especially since I had never felt for the Black Pearl what Jack had. But as they took me down the stairs of the dank pirate ship that belonged to Tortono, I could almost understand Jack's fascination for the first time. It was as if this place, this ship, was an extension of Tortono himself with its dark corners and splinters and hidden dangers. I missed the openness of the Black Pearl and the familiar corridors where Jack or Gibbs or Anamaria were only a shout away. Truth be told, I missed the very Jack Sparrowness of it all.

Once down the stairs, I was shoved inside a damp cell and the door was slammed shut on me. I heard the clanging of the metal and the clinking of the keys as a lock was turned, and that was it. That. Was. It. It was like having a light bulb switched on inside my heart. I didn't know how I had gotten here, but I was faintly aware of the why: I had asked for an adventure, and I was getting one now whether I liked it or not. I was here to be brave and strong; not to cry myself to sleep in the jail cell of some bully pirate. I couldn't control my fear, but I could control how I reacted to it.

"Right," I whispered, walking through the cell to sit on a hard wooden bench. The floor was damp and my boots made a funny squelching noise as I walked. "Right, right."

Jack was coming to get me.

Yes, Jack was coming to get me, I could count on that. I made up my mind to trust in that thought completely. I would sit there for a few hours and keep myself alive until he could rescue me, and I would ignore the little voice that seemed determined to remind me that Jack now had the key and very little need of me. _He still thinks I'm the girl, _I told myself, bottom connecting with damp wood. My senses felt heightened and sensitive, almost otherworldly. _He still thinks I'm the girl and he still thinks I'm the only one that can lead him to the treasure. That key can't do anything by itself. He's going to come after me. _

My thoughts were sliced cleanly away by the sound of cruel laughter. The pirate who was locking me in had stopped to smile at me, showing off two gold teeth and a few blank spaces were normal teeth should be.

"Usted será devorado a niña," he said. I swallowed thickly, making up my mind. _Remember! Be brave! Be a boss bitch!_

"So sorry but I can't understand a word you just said. I took German in high school and I didn't even pay attention to that. _Küssen Sie meinen Geburtstagkuchen?"_

His smile stayed and he seemed to be undisturbed by my strange words. He leaned forward in the moonlight, practically leering. I crossed my legs, remembering Elizabeth's prim posture back in Port Royal and did my best to pretend the pirate in front of me didn't exist. After a moment or two I heard him leave and my straight back slowly melted away.

I had barely had a moment to relax when I heard footsteps once again on the stairs leading down to my prison, and for a moment I thought the same pirate was coming back to sneer at me some more. Sighing, I straightened up again.

"Hello, senorita? How are you finding your accommodations? They are to your liking, I hope?"

I wasn't aware that my body could get stiffer, but hearing those words made it do just that. I could see the darkened form of someone outside the bars but not enough to see their face. Still though, the voice was already familiar to me, and I felt my body grow as tight as one large, cramped muscle.

"Are you not going to speak, Marie? Saving your voice, perhaps? That might be wise. You will be doing _mucho_ talking soon enough."

At this, he stepped into a small circle of light and allowed me to see his smiling face and the flash of his cutlass. I clasped my shaking hands together in my lap, fingers tightly intertwined together like knots, and forced myself to give him a smile.

"I love my cell, thanks," I said, though my voice trembled along with my hands. _Sweeter, _that boss bitch voice inside of me whispered, forcing me on, _More patronizing!_ "Really, the colors and layout are just amazing. I wish I could stay longer."

He stepped closer, still smiling, and gave me a long look with the eye that wasn't surrounded by the scar. Contrary to how I had thought he would react, he seemed pleased by my talking back.

"Did you plan on going somewhere, senorita?" he asked, his accent growing thicker. He was almost slurring now.

I gripped my hands together tighter and thought of Jack's eyes when I had given him the key... thought of his large, trustful eyes... and found the courage to turn my smile up another notch or two.

"Oh, well of course I won't be able to stay. Captain Sparrow will be coming for me soon. Places to go, treasures to find. You understand, I'm sure."

He tilted his head back at me and laughed, long and hard. The sound of it echoed in the empty room and caused my blood to run cold in my veins, but I didn't let it show. I was hard, immovable.

"So that's how it's going to be. I thought you might not be easy. Don't worry niña." He lowered his voice to a hiss and his next words didn't have to be in English to scare the crap out of me. "_Antes soy terminado, usted mendigará para decirme._" He turned away from me, shouting up the stairs, "Bring the keys! We start this now!"

The smile fell on my face until it felt more like a grimace and I found myself leaning back against the wall. Something slimy seemed to coat the backs of my arms but it was the least of my concerns. In front of me Tortono's eyes seemed to twinkle at the fear within my own and he enjoyed my jump when he playfully pulled on the bars and made them rattle. Now his horrifying face was leaning in to whisper between the bars, "You will cry, senorita, you will beg. In the end I might take pity on you and allow you to tell me where the treasure is. But not before I..."

There was a loud banging noise from above us which I recognized to be cannon fire and Tortono was suddenly cut off short from his threat. I looked up, although I couldn't possibly see the source of the noise, and felt the smile come over my face again. It was a slow, creeping thing, and for the first time my captor looked caught off guard.

"It's him!" I said, my voice rising with each word I said. I stood to match its volume. "It's him! It's Jack! He's come to save me!"

The ship rocked violently and I had to fight to keep my balance. Still, I didn't think that was the reason Tortono looked so unsteady.

"Jack Sparrow is not that stupid!" he almost growled. But I wasn't deterred.

"He's going to save me! I knew it! I knew he wouldn't leave me!"

"_Silencio!_!" he screamed. At the top of the stairs, even over all the other noise, I heard the door bang open.

"Cap'n! The navy!" a voice shouted from above, and I felt the world rock beneath my feet again, only this time the ship was still.

"Damn the British!" Tortono said, then smiled at me wickedly as he had the same realization I had just had. It wasn't Jack. It wasn't Jack at all. I fell back onto the bench and felt my heart hit my ankles. Never in all my life had I felt disappointment like that... it was as swift and harsh as a slap across the face.

"Well then," Tortono drawled, his patience seemingly renewed as he ran his fingers over the bars. It was as if the noise outside suddenly meant nothing to him. "I will take care of this distraction and return to you soon enough. You will wait for me, won't you Marie?"

I couldn't glare at him. I couldn't even look at him. If I moved my eyes from the spot on the floor where my vision was currently fixated then I would lose it completely. I instead listened for the sound of his boots on the floor as he left me, a sound which came only a few short moments later. I followed the sound of them up the stairs, out onto the ship and into the moonlight as he left me alone... listened until the only noise was the sound of my own breathing and the thundering noise above me... listened knowing that the noise wasn't Jack coming to save me.

No one was going to save me but myself.

* * *

I was cursing just a few minutes later, dragging the large wooden bench across the floor of the brig. Up until that moment I had been in a dazed sort of panic, a phrase that, until I was caught up in it, I would have thought an oxymoron. But, as I discovered sitting there in the dark, it was quite possible to be totally losing your mind and be completely calm about that fact at the very same time. In fact, I had gone back and forth between total despair and trying to plot a way out of the mess I was in the entire time I was sitting there. _How are Jack and Will always escaping jail cells in the movies?_ I thought. Then it hit me.

Once the bench was in front of the bars I struggled to get it upright, letting loose a string of curse words that would have made even the likes of Jack Sparrow cross himself and beg for forgiveness for even hearing it. Splinters dug into my palms but I ignored them as I shoved the bench into the bottom of the bars. This worked in the movies and if it didn't work for me I was liable to bend the bars myself out of sheer anger and frustration.

"Stupid..." I anchored the bench under the bars at the bottom. "Bloody..." I gripped the top of the bench. "Pirates!" I yanked as hard as I could backwards and stumbled back when the bars pulled free and I lost my balance. The bars creaked and swung free surprisingly easy, toppling to the floor with a crash that was near deafening. I put my hands on my knees and took a few panting breaths, then celebrated my victory by laughing until my side hurt. A voice out of the darkness stopped me cold.

"I must say love, I'm impressed."

AN: This chapter isn't edited as much as I would hope, but I knew if I didn't get it posted today then it would be a few more days before I could. Saying that, I hope you enjoy and that the Spanish wasn't too distracting. Like our dear "Mary" here I took German in high school and didn't pay much attention to that. Saying that, I ask you to please forgive me for any glaring errors in the Spanish as I had to resort mostly to free translation dot com and my friends help. :)

Here are the translations. I tried to check most of them back but please tell me if you see any distracting errors.

_**Entiende usted: **_Do you understand?

_**Adiós: **_Goodbye

_**Usted será devorado a niña: **_(roughly) You will be devoured, girl.

_**Küssen Sie meinen Geburtstagkuchen: **_Kiss my birthday cake. :)

_**Mucho: **_much, a lot

_**Niña**_: girl

_**Antes soy terminado, usted mendigará para decirme: **_Before I am finished, you will beg to tell me

_**Silencio: **_Silence!


	10. Chapter 10

AN at the end, my lovelies :)

_**The Damsel and the Distressed**_

**Chapter Ten**

"_I must say love, I'm impressed."_

My heart thundered at the familiar voice and I jumped over the fallen bars to see if I was correct.

"Jack?" I asked, not trusting my vision. The captain of the Black Pearl was not dressed in his usual uniform of tattered clothes but instead that of the British Navy. The jacket was dark blue and the shirt beneath it looked frilly and cleaner than his usual fare. Then there was the matter of his dreadlocks which appeared to be stuffed under a hat somehow though a trinket was peeking out of the left side. He was a strange sight indeed but the smile on his face could not have belonged to anyone else. I launched myself at him, surprising him when I wrapped my arms around his sides and squeezed tightly.

"Oh Jack Sparrow I am so happy to see you!"

"Cahhhhh fan!" Jack said, his air constricted by my embrace. I loosened it.

"What?"

"I said Captain!" he said, looking almost embarrassed for a brief moment, before grinning and patting my lower back. And by lower back I mean ass.

I was too relieved at being rescued to even pretend to be outraged.

"Happy to see ol' Captain Jack, are we? Did you really think that just because you gave me that key meant I was going to abandon you to the horrors of an untimely death at the hand of ol' what's 'is name? Tsk, tsk."

"I did!" I was too tired to not reply honestly. In fact, the lie was what was making me tired. I had started out this mess with the intention of saving myself and in the course of the lie had done nothing but cause trouble for everyone, myself included. I wanted to tell Jack the truth, and I thought he deserved to hear it. After all, he had proved himself by coming after me when he didn't need to right? Wasn't his saving me now proof that it was me he was rescuing and not the treasure?

"Jack, I know this is a stupid time for me to tell you this but..."

The door at the top of the stairs flew open, cutting my words off mid-sentence. Pale moonlight flooded in from the open doorway, before being blocked out by a person wearing a similar uniform to Jack's. I knew right away it was an officer in the British Navy. Without even blinking an eye, Jack grabbed my arms and pulled them behind my back with such a rough jerk that it surprised me.

"Ow! What the..."

Jack put his hand over my mouth and turned to the approaching officer. I couldn't help noticing that he held me tightly back against his chest.

"I've got a prisoner," Jack said, in a surprisingly good British accent. Still, who in their right mind would believe Jack Sparrow was an officer in the navy, uniform or not?

The officer nodded.

"Bring her onboard. Commodore Norrington's orders. And if you see Jack Sparrow..." I could actually feel Jack's body go tight as he held in the urge to correct him with a self-righteous _CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow!_... "Do not kill him. Take him straight to the Commodore."

"Yes, sir," Jack said, and I was amazed by the sight of the officer as he turned and walked away. Jack removed his hand and whirled me around to give me a smile. _See?_ It seemed to say. _Piece of cake!_

_Cake._ I thought in return. _Christ I'm hungry. _

"I'd give my left breast for something to eat right now," I said, sighing as I leaned my weight against a damp wall. Jack lifted an eyebrow.

"Make it two and you've got a deal. But first..." he put out his hand, giving me a mock bow in the process. "Might I suggest we escape?"

* * *

We stepped out onto the deck, Jack in front with me following behind, and I was shocked by the sight that greeted me. Dozens of pirates were locked in sword fights with officers from the navy, and the ones that weren't fighting were running around and screaming at the top of their lungs. Gunshots went off around us and the noise of cannon fire was followed by the splintering of wood as the shots connected. I screamed as a sword slashed out at us and Jack was pulled into a fight with a pirate, swords clanging as each moved to meet their opponent. A rough hand grabbed my arm and turned me and I was shocked to see the pirate who had been leering at me earlier doing so again. 

"Buenas noches, senorita," he said, and grinned harder. Beside me Jack was backing his opponent against the railing of the ship and didn't seem to notice my plight, distracted as he was. I remembered my pathetic attempt at escape from the pirates earlier and suddenly felt filled with anger from my own uselessness. I didn't need any strange Mary Sue powers, physical or otherwise. I knew just the move that would work on this nasty jerk.

I kicked him squarely between the legs.

He fell over just as Jack was knocking his sparring partner off the ship. I looked at the groaning man lying on the floor and I couldn't help it... I kicked him again.

"I'll say it again, love. I'm impressed. But I do believe what you've just done is against the pirate code." Jack said, coming up beside me. He winced at my choice of attack.

"Forget the pirate code!" I hissed. "From now on we follow my code! Rule number one of the Mary code: screw everyone else, I'm saving my own damn neck!"

Jack nodded, thoughtful.

"Come to think of it, that's the first rule of the pirate code as well. Carry on."

I got one more heartfelt kick in before I allowed Jack to pull me away. Sick and sadistic though it might have been, I was smiling hard for the first time in what felt like forever.

Jack led me to a row boat that was attached to the side of the ship and helped me inside. Two ropes connected to pulleys lowered the small boat, and it was as Jack was using these to lower the boat to the water that my conscious came suddenly roaring back into play. He had done so much for me: he had saved me from a pirate he himself was terrified of. He had risked losing his ship, his life, his freedom even. He had put up with my tears and my whining and my one million annoyances. And for what? For a lie. For nothing.

"Jack, I have to tell you something..."

Above us a pirate was leaning over the railing, smiling at us. We had been discovered.

"Now might not be the most opportune moment for confessions of the heart, Mary," Jack said, yanking at the rope faster to let more out. I nodded forlornly.

"I know! I shouldn't even tell you at all, I know that too! It's stupid of me, but I can't help it. I hate lying and I..."

I cut myself off as I noticed the grinning pirate pulling on the ropes. Did he really think he could pull both of us and a boat back up?

The boat jerked and I screamed as I realized that not only could he do just that, but that he was planning on doing so.

"Bugger," Jack muttered and nonchalantly, almost as if bored, pulled out his gun and shot the pirate in the chest. The rope was dropped and we jerked back down a foot or so.

"You were saying?" Jack asked, the barrel of the gun still smoking. I swallowed thickly.

"Nevermind."

Plenty of time to tell him later.

When there were no weapons around.

We dropped finally into the water and rocked for a few moments before Jack pulled out the oars and began rowing us away to safety. I was too scared to even ask where we were going to, and somewhat amazed that we were doing so well thus far. Apparently, both the pirates and the navy were so consumed in their fight that they didn't even notice us escaping. Looking up, I saw why. They had every right to be self-absorbed, seeing as how both ships appeared to be sinking.

I watched the _Dauntless_ and Tortono's ship rock on the ocean, both leaning as water rushed in the holes the cannons had left behind.

"Guess that's the last of Tortono," I said matter-of-factly. Jack grimaced.

"Wouldn't count on that," he said, the tone in his voice implying that he knew better. Conversation dropped off after that.

Our little trip through the water became foggier as we went along until finally we could barely see a few feet from the front of the row boat. After what felt like forever though, Jack stopped rowing and tilted his head to the side to listen, looking more like a dog on the trail of someone than a serious pirate. Then he smiled.

Like clockwork I saw the Black Pearl rise out of the fog, sliding towards us as gently as a marble sliding across the floor. My mouth fell open. I just couldn't believe it.

"That's it?" I asked, looking at Jack. "You've got to be joking! I can't catch a break to save my life- literally! -and here you just sail up, jump on the ship and back off a few minutes later and that's it? No trouble whatsoever?"

Jack smiled back at me, now rowing again towards the ship.

"There's just one thing you left out there, love. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Savvy?"

I huffed to myself a few minutes and vowed to not speak again until safely on the ship, a vow which, like most of my vows, was broken less than a minute or so later.

Jack threw the ropes up onto the ship and the men grabbed at them, ready to pull us over. He looked back at me and grabbed my arm to hold me steady and suddenly there it was again: that same overwhelming feeling of gratitude and emotion. I wanted to tell him the truth so badly this time that tears actually filled my eyes. Good Lord, what was this? _PMS of the Caribbean?_

"Jack, I have to tell you the truth about something."

He sighed heavily and turned to me. It was so disconcerting to see him in the officer's uniform that for a moment I nearly lost my words.

"Um, yes, well... the truth is... see, well... honestly..." I looked at him and swallowed. "I'm not her, Jack," I whispered, when the words finally came out.

"Captain," Jack said, and that was it. I looked at him.

He said nothing else.

"_Captain,_" I gritted out, already regretting my decision. "Did you hear what I said? I'm not her. I'm not Marie."

Jack waved his hand at me and said simply, "I know."

I stared at him in open mouthed shock, unable to speak or question. I wasn't even sure I had heard him correctly. In that moment, all because of two words uttered from an impossible man, I worried that I had forgotten how to speak or understand the English language. I shook my head, trying to clear it.

"Heave men!" Gibbs screamed above us, "Heave as if you're pulling up a boat full of rum!"

"Did someone say rum?" Jack asked, head jerking up. I pinched myself, watching the skin redden as it should and flinched from the pain that I knew I should feel. Ok, so the dream within a dream theory was out.

When we reached the top Jack stepped out first, and then offered me his hand to help me over. I might have floated over for all I knew. I was in a daze from disbelief. My secret was out (the same secret that I thought would get me killed) and no one seemed to care.

"I'll be needing a word with you in my cabin, Marie," Jack said, ignoring my open mouth and surprised eyes. "Please escort her to my cabin, Anamaria. Mr. Gibbs, I'll be needing you to sail us out of this inimitable situation."

"Aye, Cap'n," Gibbs said, but Anamaria just nodded her agreement and grabbed my arm. My heart beating fast, I allowed her to pull me to the Captain's quarters and shove me inside, but she hesitated before shutting the door. For a moment she looked grateful and kind, like a friend. The face quickly fell away to a more guarded one, but I could tell her heart wasn't completely in it.

"That was stupid of you, turning yeself over to that man," she said.

I couldn't help but smile.

"Your welcome."

She shut the door in my face but she smiled as she did so, and I didn't take it badly. My smile dropped from my face though as I realized I was alone again and Jack would be in soon to talk with me. I sighed and thumped down onto the bed, feeling weak and overcome. Without the adrenaline from earlier coursing through me, my body was forced to recognize the fact that it still had not eaten in several days and I was rather the worse for wear because of it. My head felt heavy and my mouth felt dry. I ended up lying on Jack's bed with my eyes closed to avoid the feeling of nausea that was sweeping through me in sea-like waves.

I dropped off into sleep almost immediately.

* * *

I awoke to the sound of the door rattling but kept my eyes closed. I'm not sure why, but I've always loved to pretend to be asleep when I'm not (playing possum, we called it when I was little). There's something so secretive about it, even when you're not doing it for any particular reason other than your own amusement. 

I waited for a few moments before slowly cracking open one of my eyes. Jack was in the corner, his back to me, and he was taking off the British uniform. My eyes opened a little wider but I didn't call out to stop him as he slipped off the blue jacket and began working on the shirt underneath it. I could remember an incident very similar to this one on my first day in this world and almost smiled at how differently I was reacting now. I had changed, and those two moments seemed to work as bookends to accompany that change. Within them was held every hope, ever fear, every worry I'd had during my stay. The thought almost made me sigh out loud.

The shirt slipped from his shoulders and revealed a tan and lean back, dotted with small scars. Despite this, however, his skin appeared smooth and soft, and I found myself yearning to touch him. It had been easy to dismiss my fangirly feelings for him so far with his pirating and double crossing and, well, smelliness... but this... this was hard to dismiss. He was beautiful.

"Love," he said, not even bothering to turn around. "This is the second time I've caught you watching me undress when you think I'm not looking. I'm beginning to wonder if you might be harboring deep romantic feelings for me."

Deep? Romantic? No, that wasn't true. They were superficial and undeniable and that was all.

I sighed heavily and sat up in the bed, feeling weary still but not at all embarrassed like I knew I should. Spending a few days with Jack Sparrow did something in the way of eroding a person's moral center. He just had that kind of effect on people.

"Jack, we need to talk." That must have been the one hundredth time I had said that sentence to him today but he didn't argue, just stepped towards me. I swallowed.

"Put your shirt on please."

He looked down at his chest as if concerned.

"Why?"

"I can't concentrate," I said honestly, deciding that might be the path of least resistance. Wrong again. He gave me a smile that made me feel like my boots were melting off my feet and joined me on the bed, shirtless. I sighed again and forced my eyes away.

"Ok. Fine then. What I was needing to ask you, I mean, what I was trying to find out..."

"What you're wanting to know was how I knew you weren't the lass Marie. And after that, resulting from that, you're wanting to know why I saved your life if I knew you were not the lass Marie." I stared at him.

"Yeah," I blushed. He probably thought he was being clever but, truth be told, it was a little overwhelming having him sit on the bed beside me without his shirt. "That."

"Actually love," he was looking pleased with himself now, which never boded well for me. "I can't tell you nothing."

"Nothing?" I asked, flustered. This conversation felt eerily familiar and I knew Jack was paying me back for being so annoying.

"What?"

"You can't tell me nothing?"

Jack smiled, gleaming teeth and all.

"Anything, love. I can't tell you _anything_. Nothing would be a double negative and is therefore..."

"Jack Sparrow, say one more word and I will reenact my version of the code on your manhood."

Jack gave me a wounded look and readjusted to protect himself. Then he surprised me by moving closer to me on the bed and I was amazed at his ability to change so much from one moment to the next.

"I will not be answering that first question but in regards to the second one..."

He shifted even closer and I scrambled to move only to find myself with no room to do so. I had a half-naked (beautiful but smelly) pirate on top of me an eroded moral center which had been previously diminished by said pirate. I was close to losing complete control.

"You have something I need," he said with a smile so wicked that it made me wonder what exactly it was that he _needed._ I blushed even harder at that thought. Then he lowered his eyes to my chest and that was it. I melted underneath him as shameless as one of those lusty busty Harlequin women and had to fight the urge to croon out loud. I couldn't help it. It was just more than a girl like me was meant to take. Looking back on it, my self-restrain up until that point was incredible. Any lovers of Mary Sue would have known it couldn't last.

"The way to the treasure is through her heart," Jack whispered, suddenly more serious. His hand brushed down over my collarbone, calloused fingers tracing a path down my flushed chest. I held my breath as they moved, looking like a traveler exploring new lands as they slipped down the world of my aching skin... down, down... my thoughts muddled and incomplete until he touched my...

locket.

I looked down, just to be sure.

Yup. He was holding my damn locket.

"You have got to be kidding me!" I groaned, dropping my head back into my pillow. Jack gave me just enough of a smile to let me know he had been intentionally torturing me and turned the locket over in his hand.

"Where'd you get this, Mary?" he asked me, examining the front and back of it. I tried to shove him off of me but I might as well have been trying to move a brick wall. He wasn't going anywhere.

"My father," I answered finally when I saw I wasn't going to win.

He opened it, taking forever without the aid of nails, and when he finally accomplished that he was rewarded with a small slip of yellow paper from inside the locket. I watched him in confusion as he unrolled the paper. In cursive script was written:

_**Isla Mataceros**_

"What the...?" This wasn't my locket! My locket had been empty inside! Unless... I remembered the seperated link and could clearly see the girl, my "twin," as she handed me my locket. But no, not my locket. HER locket. She had switched them!

_The way to the treasure is through her heart._

The heart locket. This **_Isla Mataceros _**was the island that hosted the treasure that everyone was after.

"That is so freakin' cheesy," I muttered, but had to admit it sounded like something I would write. Jack didn't say anything. Only smiled that large, pleased smile.

Amazingly though, I wasn't scared. I mean, it wasn't like it could get any worse...

Right?

* * *

**AN: First of all, thank you so much to everyone that has been reviewing so far. I know I haven't replied to the reviews with the past few chapters but I will do so again from here on out. An extra special thank you to Sunshine, laitaine-r, and elzebrook who helped me with my Spanish. :) I tried to make the adjustments but can't figure out how to edit the chapter without uploading it all over again. Help anyone? Oh yeah and I need to point out that I was trying to match this up with the beginning of DMC but there is already some major discrepancies and there's not much I can do about it. Of course, James Norrington follows Jack into a hurricane in canon and that is how he loses the Dauntless. Forgive me but a hurricane just didn't figure into my plot. lol. There will be more of these small differences as we go along unfortunately but a lot of it does still match up though.**

**So, without absolutely begging for reviews... please let me know what you think about the story and where it's going:) **


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: **A short chapter, but a lead-in of shorts. :)

_**The Damsel and the Distressed**_

**Chapter Eleven**

According to Jack, Isla Mataceros was a small island near Isla Muerta. It was, in fact, one of five in a chain. When Jack told Mr. Gibbs where we would sailing to, the latter pirate had begun babbling and sweating like an idiot, which didn't make me feel very optimistic about this next step in our journey, obviously. Apparently there was a legend about the islands (their name, _Las Cinco Muertes, _meant "The Five Deaths" in Spanish), about a warrior who had been captured by a king and given his choice between fives deaths. The deaths were burning, drowning, crushing, hanging, and decapitation, and he had went to each island experiencing each challenge. I didn't ask which death our island was because to be honest with you by the time I was finished with that story I was pretty much sweating and babbling beside Gibbs.

Much to my dismay, I slept in my own cabin (broom closet) for the few hours that remained until dawn. As soon as the sun rose I was being called awake by the sound of someone banging on my door.

"Crap bugger shit ass hole," I muttered, turning over and feeling my hair stick to the side of my face and mouth. I had slept like the dead and felt something like a zombie trying to rise from my cot. The door banged open before I accomplished this amazing feat and it was Anamaria who was standing in the doorway to my room.

"Cap'n wants a word with ye," she said. I groaned and rubbed my face, feeling as if it had somehow not woken up with the rest of me.

"Again? He talked a lot last night."

Too much, I meant of course. I was sick of talking and sexually frustrated. And apparently not awake enough to hide either fact because Anamaria smirked at me as if she knew. Still, she didn't tease.

"He's at the helm," she said, and then was suddenly gone leaving nothing but bright sunshine in her wake. The light drilled into my eyes and I winced as the pain flared and exploded inside my head. It took me a few moments to get up the nerve to open my eyes again and stand, and when I did I nearly fell over from the effort. I needed to eat something soon or I was going to pass out. No joke.

I stepped out into the sunlight, groaning as I walked. I felt old and brittle, and prepared to whine until someone fed me. To my surprise though, Jack was holding a basket of apples in his hand when I walked up and by the look on his face he knew my thoughts. It probably would have been hard to not know them, seeing as how I was nearly salivating.

"Morning!" he called, much more cheerful than usual, and I winced. I probably should have started to worry then but my mind was consumed by the image of food. "I've a few questions to ask of you and I'll be requiring your full attention." Dazed, I reached for an apple and was surprised when he pulled them away.

"Huh?" I asked. Jack smiled, pleased.

"The locket, love. You said your father gave it to?"

I nodded, tired. Words took too much effort.

"And how did that note get inside your locket?" he asked, now only tempting me with the apples by swinging the basket in front of me like a hyponist with a pocket watch.

I sighed and explained the whole drawn out story: meeting Marie (the real Marie, that is) in Tortuga… how she had looked at our lockets and apparently switched them… how she had handed me the key and gave me orders to protect it. When I was finished Jack seemed deep in thought. After a moment, he passed the basket of apples off to me and with a gasp I tore into them.

Ever watch Saturday Night Live? Remember how Mango the monkey guy (Chris Kattan) eats apples?

Yup, that's what I looked like. Only worse.

Jack steered silently for a moment while I ate and before I knew what I was doing I had consumed four apples all the way down to the core. My stomach began to cramp and only moments later I found myself leaning over the hull and puking up everything I had just ate. Weakly I pushed myself back and looked at Jack, who did nothing but hand me another apple without looking at me and say, "Slower." I surprised myself by taking the apple and even more by following his advice, eating slowly. My stomach ache dulled after a few minutes.

"Did she tell you anything else, lass? About where the key went to or how exactly to get to yon treasure?" His words were flippant but his attitude was anything but. I had that strange feeling again that I was being tested.

I had no choice but to tell him the truth.

"No, Jack. I don't know anything else."

Jack nodded, a beat passed, then he smiled. The serious look dropped from his face but for some reason I still felt uneasy.

"Water's ready, Cap'n!" Anamaria called, and I shifted to look past Jack at the pile of laundry and the tub of dirty water. I looked back at him, despaired and unbelieving. He smiled harder at the look of absolute heartache on my face and waved me on to my apple.

"After you finish, of course," he said, knowing that wouldn't help and that was why he'd said it. I lifted the apple to my mouth and glared at him around it.

"Thanks a lot," I mummbled through a mouth full of food. Still, at least his shirt was still on and I wasn't drooling any longer. We were making progress, slowly but surely.

* * *

I washed clothes for most of the morning and when I had finally finished that Anamaria led me down to the galley to do the dishes as well. As soon as I saw the stacks of moldy dishes, I suddenly didn't mind laundry duty anymore and had a strong urge to go back and ask Jack for his shirt AND pants. Of course, that line of thought helped things considerably and I only gagged a few times while washing the dishes. 

I finished the work in time for a late lunch which consisted mostly of stale bread, more apples, and some gray stuff I didn't even want to think about. I ate it all though, and relished every bite. Near starvation, it seems, did wonders on a picky appetite.

The day went by faster than I expected with the work, but if I was surprised at Jack's sudden interest in me the day before, I was more surprised to have him completely ignore me just a day later. It didn't matter how much I whined or cracked jokes, Jack just kept to the helm and didn't say a word to me. It was altogether suspicious.

Now let me make something clear; something that may not have been too obvious in this story so far: I'm not stupid. Yeah, I know. Shocking. I mean occasionally I do stupid things like going to places I shouldn't or running my mouth when I know I should keep quiet or being honest when I should tell a nice white lie. But no one could ever accuse me of trusting too much, not really. I had trusted Jack with the key only because I'd had no other option. It was trust Jack or trust the key to go to Tortono, an option I hadn't even let myself consider. But now in the light of day, no longer in any immediate danger, I found myself wondering what Jack was planning now. He was, after all, just a pirate in search of a treasure. And he certainly hadn't offered the key back to me now, had he?

I had expected him to get rid of me when he found out I wasn't her, and by all rights I knew he should have. If there was one thing I had learned in this whole rotten adventure it was that things only went smoothly when someone was plotting against you. I had a feeling that Jack Sparrow, gorgeous, tan back or not, was doing just that.

My suspicions grew stronger the next day when Jack announced we would reach Isla Mataceros by night fall and did not give me any work to do. After several shared looks and whispered conversations with Anamaria and Mr. Gibbs I became convinced that Jack Sparrow had a plan. So I did the only thing that could possible conteract that. I came up with a plan of my own. (Henceforth to be known as THE PLAN, in capital letters).

I was not surprised when night fall came and a knock came on my door. I was even less surprised when Jack began leading me to his cabin without a word. I followed him even as the other pirates smirked at me and readied to leave the ship for shore. I followed him and kept my mouth shut, which was not only a miracle but also part of THE PLAN.

When we reached his cabin, Jack led me inside and sat down on his bed, patting for me to join him. I did so, trying to make myself look unsuspecting. If the smile on his face was an indication, he fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

"Lass, good news!" he said cheerfully, almost surprising me. I had figured he would go the "so sorry to disappoint you" route. He patted my knee. "Turns out we won't be needing you to join us on the island after all. We'll just be taking a quick turn about on land to find the treasure and back we come."

I looked at him, long and hard.

"Meaning…?"

"Meaning you'll be staying aboard the Pearl and we'll be dropping you off at the next port."

Or, more to the fact, that he had probably wanted to leave me behind on the island but that Anamaria wouldn't let him. And he thought I was just going to roll over and let this happen! He thought I would just stay there and let him go off in search for the treasure I had nearly died for! That I would let him finish this whole mess without me!

The sad thing was, and I wasn't too proud to admit this at least to myself, was that only a week or two ago Jack would have been exactly right. I would have locked myself up in his cabin and prayed for the whole ordeal to be other with soon. But not anymore. Whether I was a "changed woman" or not, I knew I couldn't do that. I was over letting my life be something that happened to me.

Still, no reason to tell Jack all of that. Him not knowing about my sudden bravery would be helpful to THE PLAN.

"Well Jack… Captain… I mean, if you're sure…"

I put my head down and sniffled into Jack's arm. A mistake. The smell of him brought real tears to my eyes.

"There, there love," Jack said, sounding more understanding than I would have expected him to be. Then he ruined it with, "Chin up. Tears don't work on Captain Jack."

I glared at him and he smiled.

"That's my girl! Now," here he stood, leaving me in a bit of a panic on the bed. That was the problem with plans. When it came right down to with it, you had to go through with them. "If you'll excuse me…"

I let him get to the doorway before I stood and ran over to him, calling, "Jack! Wait!"

He turned, trinkets swishing with his hair and his lips curling into the smile that I'd grown so accustomed to during my stay. He put his hands out at me, almost daring me to come close to him.

"Yes love? Something you need?" he asked, and I knew he was patronizing me. That word… _need…_it was enough to remind me of our talk last night, his hands on my collarbone, his too cruel teasing. It was enough to make me overcome the blush that was creeping over my cheeks at the thought at what I was getting ready to do. Yeah, so maybe THE PLAN was a little self-serving. So what? Kill two birds with one stone, that was always my motto.

"Actually…" I whispered, and grabbed his jacket to pull him closer for a kiss.

It wouldn't have worked if I hadn't surprised him so much, but the result of that was hardly a romantic moment. I might have even missed his mouth, consumed as I was with snaking my hand into his jacket pocket. When we pulled away I stepped back, one hand over my mouth and one behind my back. Jack looked bewildered and I mirrored that emotion. I flipped back and forth between wanting to break down in girlish giggles and run and hide in the next room.

I settled with mild hysteria.

"Ok, you can go now. All I needed. Thank you."

He gave me a look that would have melted ice and took a step forward.

"No really!" I squealed, raising the hand that had been at my mouth to ward him off. A dozen different emotions flitted over his face in a moment: confusion, doubt, amusement, surprise… finally he smirked at me that same patronizing smile. He really thought he had me all figured out.

Without another word, he disappeared out the door and I heard a rattle as the lock was turned. Only after I was sure I had heard his footsteps travel away from me did I look down at Marie's key in my hand and smile.

Jack Sparrow was really going to have to quit being so distracted by kisses. One of these days it was going to get him killed.

* * *

**AN: **Sorry for the short chapter guys. If it helps at all, the reason for the shortness of it is that the next chapter is so action packed and full of stuff that this is where I had to end this one or there wouldn't have been a good stopping point otherwise. :) Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and all the ones before it! You guys are awesome!

It seems strange to say this but this story is almost finished! Just one or two more chapters left in this little adventure and I have all but maybe three pages of it written. So as much as I hate to revert to review whoring this late in the game, please please please review and the chapters will come quickly, I promise! There, I'll stop now. :)


	12. Chapter 12

**AN:** Well, this is it. :( And my longest chapter ever, no less! More notes at the end.

_**The Damsel and the Distressed**_

**Chapter Twelve**

I was pretty sure Jack wasn't dumb enough to leave me on the ship without a lookout, though I doubted who he left was the most competant person on earth, either. The only thing I knew for sure was that I wasn't going to stay on the Pearl while Jack stole that treasure (or attempted to, without the key) out from under that poor girl who had already lost everything. Besides, I had an odd little feeling that my part in this adventure wasn't finished yet, and I wasn't about to wait it out in Jack's cabin while everyone else was on land.

I sat on the bed and thought for a long moment how best to go forward with THE PLAN, trying to decide on a course of action. If there was a lookout then they would hear me knock the door down, assuming of course, that I could even accomplish that without knocking myself out in the process. There were no windows in Jack's cabin either, and I knew that even if there were they wouldn't get me anywhere except for a straight drop into the ocean.

Well, there was a sure fire way to see if someone was onboard with me _and_ to get the door unlocked. I reached for something heavy (the only thing I could find was a giant bottle of rum, sorry Jack) and lifted it over my head in front of the door. Then I let loose the most terrifying scream you've ever heard.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!" I shouted, sounding somewhat possessed. My lung capacity was amazing, quite frankly.

I heard the shuffling of feet somewhere far off as someone ran to investigate the noise. I had to stop and catch my breath to start over.

"Heeeeellllllllllpppppp meeeeeeee! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!"

"What's going on in there?" someone shouted from the other side of my door but it was barely heard over my screams. I rolled my eyes (honestly, what did he think was going on? Did people scream like this because they saw a spider? Think man, think!) and kept on screaming.

The door rattled as the person unlocked it and yanked it open. I brought the rum bottle down on his head, wincing as it connected and shattered. Liquid flew everywhere and my hand jarred as the pirate slumped to the floor. I stood there a minute, not quite believing THE PLAN had worked in all aspects so far.

"Finally!" I said. It was about time things started going my way!

* * *

I stole the pirate's sword before I stepped off the Pearl and held it awkwardly in front of me as I walked, looking like a teen from a scary movie who thought she could fend off a serial killer with a butter knife. My arm trembled as I fought to hold up the shaking sword and I knew without even attempting to try that the only way I was going to hurt someone with this thing was if I shook hard enough to hit them over the head with it. 

It was dark when I stepped out off the ship but there was moonlight filtering down from the top of the cliff. I tilted my head back to attempt to see around the heavy trees and was surprised to see several torches at the top. The cliffside almost looked... familiar? Something fell off the top of the mountain and spashed into the water not very far from the ship. I jumped a little, then stepped towards the dark woods.

Torches had been jammed into the ground every twenty feet or so, lighting the makeshift path that Jack and the crew had taken. I ran, careful to keep the sword out to my side incase I tripped. After a few minutes, the torches grew farther apart as if whoever had left them had worried about running out, and then suddenly I heard voices coming closer. My heart pounding in sheer terror, I leaped of the path and behind a tree. Crouching in the darkness, I clutched the sword and no longer felt silly for stealing it. I could suddenly understand Jack's feeling about the jar of dirt, because even though I may not have been able to use my sword, I felt capable of killing anyone that tried to take it from me.

"Aye, Mistuh Gibb!" a gruff voice called out of the darkness. I peeked up just a little, then just as quickly shot back down. The crew of the Black Pearl, or at least the majority of them, were standing at the path.

"Keep yer voice down or I'll cut your tongue from its root!" Gibbs hissed, sounding meaner than I was used to him being. His voice shook. Then, in a slightly calmer tone, he said, "Jack's still in there, and I'll not be in the business of getting our Captain killed."

"But why did he send us back then?" one of the other men asked. My ears perked up at that. Jack was in there alone? Doing what? Looking for the treasure? And why would he have sent the crew away?

"Jack'll be needing a quiet escape out of this one, and he'll be wanting the Pearl ready," Gibbs answered, still walking. Much further and they would be out of earshot.

"How will he carry the treasure back?" someone asked.

"Yeah, and wot if it's like 'e said? What if Tortono be waiting for him?"

My heart thundered in my chest so loud I was worried they might hear it and discover me. Tortono was alive? And was after Jack?

"Aye yes, I believe he is and that doesn't bode well with Jack Sparrow. But I know Jack and..."

"Jack Sparrow is crazy!" one of the men mummbled and the leaves rustled as Gibbs turned.

"Captain still to ye!" Gibbs barked, then, almost under his breath, "And that's exactly why he's going to escape."

They were gone after that, or at least their voices were. I gave them a few extra minutes just in case. My heart continued to drum, shimmying its way up into my throat as I crouched there in the darkness. Somehow I found the nerve to stand. I wasn't in a hurry to see Tortono again but I wouldn't let Jack face him alone, especially since he had nearly killed himself to save me just a day or two ago.

Taking a deep breath and holding it, I once again jumped out onto the path and began to run. The trees, dark and forbidden, grew closer together. Their branches slapped me as I went and I eventually had to slow to a fast walk, moving the branches away with my sword. I was sweaty and my arms itched. The farther I went, the farther apart the torches seemed to grow. I dreaded the dark moment when they ran out and I was left alone in the inky blackness of the night.

But then I saw it: the mouth of a cave. A rock had been in front of it but had been pushed aside and I thought I could hear voices coming from within it. I tiptoed closer, step by step growing more scared and nervous but not allowing myself to stop. I was suddenly sure that Tortono was in there and that he had Jack. Jack who was now more than a mere annoyance... Jack who had stolen me back, killed his men, and sunk his ship.

I stepped into the mouth of the cave and tried to peek in. It was dim inside but not as dark as the woods had been, which was surprising. A torch posted to the wall illuminated a set of stone stairs leading up and at the top I could see another door off to one side and a pile of coffins to the other. I gulped but I held my sword out in front of me as I slowly began to move up the stairs. I was fearless. Determined. Unstoppable.

Someone grabbed my arm and I screamed like a madwoman, smaking them with the blade of the sword rather than stabbing them with it. _Stupid girl!_ The boss bitch inside of me screamed. It didn't do one bit of good. After all those years of watching scary movies, screaming at those dumb bimbos who ran up the stairs rather than down and proudly announcing that _I _was different than them, _I_ would keep my cool, _I_ would escape... after all those years there I was, reduced to a screaming lump of terror from a mere hand on my arm. Honestly, I'm lucky I didn't piss myself.

The person who had me stepped out of the darkness and smirked at me. It was the pirate that I had kicked in the crotch. The asshole just wouldn't go away. I opened my mouth to scream again and he slapped me hard enough to knock my head back with a loud crack. Swift tears filled my eyes and black crowded my vision. I didn't know you could be knocked unconscious from just a slap but apparently a hard enough one would do just that, because I could feel myself slipping. I tried to take a deep breath and he raised his hand to hit me again, connecting solidly over the jaw that was already throbbing like it was broken. My arms stayed limp at my sides and didn't even raise to defend me, the traitors. Black inked over my vision.

"Who there?" someone shouted from a world as far away as the top of the stairs. I felt myself yanked back into darkness, a hand over my mouth, and could only watch as the man at the top of the stairs looked down at the place where we had just been. He stood there for a long time and, satisfied to find no one, finally grabbed one of the coffins and dragged it through another door on the opposite end of the stairs. I heard the door slam shut with a heavy thud and the pirate holding me shoved me forward. My knees locked and I knew this was it.

_Breathe!_ My mind shouted, but that thought was in vain as well.

The world went black.

* * *

When I woke up, my hands were tied behind my back and I was sitting slumped against a treasure chest. Beside me, tied up as well, was Marie... my "twin." She gave me a weak look of concern, seeming to say, "how are you feeling?" It was almost funny. Until that moment I hadn't felt anything, just the heavy sleep still pulling at my mind. I opened my mouth to speak and groaned instead as pain the size of a Mack truck rolled over my body from head to toe. It was not localized or contained to my jaw... it seemed to fill my whole being... my hair even hurt. I worried for a moment that I would vomit, and when that worry was proven wrong I set about running my tongue over my teeth to see if I had them all still. 

I did, but blood was in my mouth nonetheless, and I grimaced as I swallowed the liquid penny taste of it.

"Where's J..." Marie cut me off before I could finish my stupid question, interjecting with a sharp, "What have you done with the key?"

Even if I had wanted to answer, I wasn't given the chance, because at that moment I heard the grinding slide of boots on the stone floor and knew we weren't alone. Tortono was listening. We both looked up at him as he stepped out of the darkness, moving towards us with a grace that was surprising given his stature. He towered over me, seeming ten foot tall from my place on the floor with my head bobbing on my shoulders, and smiled his cruel smile at me.

"Yes, Senorita," he said, and crouched on top of me. Now that I could see his smile up close I could tell that it was different from the last time I had seen it. There was less amusement and more malice in this twist of his lips. When he raised his hand, I cowered immediately, my jaw protesting more pain before it was given. Lightly, he patted my swollen cheek and watched my reaction with an even larger smile. Just that small gesture had caused enough pain to make me swoon.

"What have you done with that key?" he asked, voice low. I wouldn't look at him. Instead my watery eyes were focused behind him, searching the room for signs of Jack. He obviously hadn't been discovered yet, which could only men he was somewhere close, probably watching. He was my last hope, my only hope.

Tortono saw my gaze and knew what I was looking for. He tutted at, shaking his head.

"Oh, Senorita... you are so innocent. So naïve," he said, almost making himself sound sad for me. Sympathy was an emotion I didn't think him capable of, and I had good reason to doubt it.

He rubbed my cheek and then slapped it, a controlled movement that made my eyes once again fill with tears.

"You think Jack Sparrow will come after you again, knowing that you are not the girl he thought you were and knowing that I am here? What do you think he is?"

"Jack…" I started, and the pain flared. Tears filled my voice as well as my eyes, but somewhere inside of me anger and bravery were bubbling together, a dangerous brew. "I know exactly what Captain Jack Sparrow is." I locked eyes on the monster, letting my anger surge through my mind and out my mouth. "He's a pirate that's twice now stolen something right out from under you! A pirate that sunk your ship and killed all but, what…? One of your men? Or is he only one would come with you? They've all abandoned the great Tortono, haven't they?"

I could tell from the look in his eyes that I was right, and my speech wasn't appreciated. I laughed and he reared back and hit me with a slap that was more a punch, knocking me on my side. I tried to sit up but it was hard with no hands and blood pouring out of my nose. I was sobbing, but screaming through it.

"You know what else he is? Jack Sparrow is a good man! He's a good man and he's coming for me!" I shouted and he knocked me back down on the stone, hitting me with punches from both sides without giving me a moment to breathe in between. Blood was sliding into my mouth and suffocating me. I flailed from side to side but it was no good.

"I'll tell you one word that describes Jack Sparrow…" Tortono growled above me. Then suddenly everything stopped. The room was silent except for a gasp from Marie and Tortono didn't move a muscle, his hands frozen at my neck. I looked up through the blood and tears and there was Jack, holding the blade of his sword to Tortono's throat.

"How about…" Jack seemed to think on it, then smiled his most wicked smile. "…Surprising?"

The world stood still for only a moment before all hell broke loose. The pirate who had first captured me was running at Jack with his sword out and I screamed for him to look out.

Jack gave me a look that would not have been more obvious if he'd held up a sign with detailed instructions of what he wanted me to do.

"The code, Mary," he said, gesturing with his head to Tortono, and I understood instantly. _My_ version of the code. Oh certainly.

I looked at Tortono for only a fraction of a second and felt the fiery pain in my jaw urge me on. With every ounce of strength I had left in my poor body, I brought my knee up into his groin. He collapsed onto me with a puff of breath and when he didn't immediately move from me, I brought my knee up again. I wasn't able to get as good of a kick in this time, but he had learned his lesson just the same and rolled off of me. Scooting as quickly as I could, I manuevered my way over to Marie just as Jack turned to meet the other pirate's sword. With my back to her back, I began blindly trying to undo the knots holding her arms captured, but it was hard to do while barely being able to move my own. I felt my fingers fumble through the knots and cursed as Tortono groaned and tried to move. He wouldn't be down long.

A moment later, Jack was at my side and I could only assume that he had finished the other pirate off. He had his sword still out, however, and prepared to free our hands.

"Her first," I said, surprising myself. If I'm going to be honest though, my reasons for this request were not entirelly valient. I knew Marie was better with a sword than I was (that was putting it mildly) and if the crap started going down in a moment then she would need to be the one free. Jack didn't seem to question this; merely slid the sword between her wrists and rope to free her.

At my feet, Tortono was gasping and now attempting to stand.

"Jack!" I shouted, trying to scoot back. He had already moved to free me and my sudden jump had caused him to miss. Sharp pain stung my arm and I felt blood flow into my palm, slick like oil.

"Bugger," he hissed, but then my arms were free and I was clawing and stumbling back from Tortono who was finally standing.

"Your sword!" Marie shouted, and Jack tossed it to her. The blade of it glimmered in the light just a bit as it arced to her hand, and if hadn't caught it just right she probably would have ended up dead then and there. Tortono pulled out his own sword and swung it at her but she was able to block it with Jack's. Instantly they began an all out sword fight, the clash of the blades loud in the small cave. Tortono may have been larger but Marie had anger and vengence on her side, and was able to stand her own.

I was pulled away from the fight by Jack taking my wounded arm into his own hand. I winced at the jolt of pain which was quickly being replaced by the sensation of prickles in my fingertips. It felt like my arm was falling asleep and my head was light on my shoulders. I wondered how much blood I had lost and when Jack moved his hand away and afforded me a view of the cut, I nearly swooned. I watched as he pulled his sash away from his waist and began wrapping it around the wound without saying a word. When he had tied it, he looked up at me with a look in his eye so out of character from the Jack that I was used to that it could only be described as tender.

Uncomfortable, I forced a smile.

"Think I'll live, doctor?" I asked, eyes down. I couldn't see his face but I knew by instinct that he was smiling.

"Aye love, just a scratch."

A sudden shout brought us back to Marie and Tortono who were currently knocking each other from one end of the room to the other. I held my breath at the fury on Marie's face and the grace with which she moved carefully away a fraction of a second before a striking blow. I hardly noticed Jack as he rose to walk away, enamoured by the scene as I was. Wanting to remain unnoticed as well, I hid behind the chest and watched the fight play out.

"Senorita, I am surprised you fight me," Tortono said, almost taunting Marie as he met each of her blows. "You are so much braver than your father. Never in all my years have I heard someone beg for his life so shamelessly." I saw the look on Marie's face harden, twisting into something else… an odd mixture of pain and anger. Tortono only continued. He didn't seem to entertain the concept of defeat even for a moment, even when it was too late. "He cried in the end, Senorita. That was why I slit his throat. I couldn't stand to listen to him anymore. He disgusted me!"

"Liar!" She screamed, trembling with the strength of her blows. Tortono didn't seem to realize that she was leading him into the center of the room. "You… you…"

"Monster?" he asked, feet flying back as he raced to defend himself. Then it happened: he tripped over the chest next to me and flew backwards over it, sword flying out of his hand. The look in his eyes at that moment was too much. I knew how this was going to end and even though I knew he deserved it, I had to look away.

I heard his grunt as she stabbed the sword into his chest, then her whispered reply.

"No," she said, watching him as he stopped struggling. "No, you're just a man."

And a dead man at that.

I looked back over at her then and was surprised to see tears in her eyes as she stood over him, letting the moment sink in. I had the feeling that the past few weeks or months had been filled with the idea of vengence and now that it was over and he was dead she wasn't quite sure what to do with herself.

I stood, my head swimming as I stumbled and nearly fell. When I finally reached her, I put my unwounded hand on her shoulder and gave it what I hoped was a reassuring squeeze. I'm notoriously bad at comforting people, and yet I always try.

Mary looked down at the body a moment longer, then at my hand on her shoulder. She nodded.

"It's done," she said, but I could tell it wasn't over. Not for her.

We were brought back to reality by the sound of Jack rustling through the rocks on the other side, investigating a patch of dirt where the treasure chest had apparently been hidden before being dug up by Tortono. Marie smiled just a little, a surprising sight, and turned back to him.

"Looking for the infamous treasure, Captain?" she called. "It's right here."

Jack winced when she pointed to the small chest and continued rummaging through the overturned dirt.

"Right. I'm looking for the rest of it," he said, which only made Marie laugh. It wasn't exactly what I would call a _happy _laugh. More of a _oh oh oh, just you wait_ kinda laugh, which made me feel uncomfortable. The fact that the person laughing had just killed someone certainly didn't help either.

"This is it. This _is_ the treasure. Hardly worth the fuss, was it?"

Jack made a sour face and looked at it.

"Hardly." Then, smiling, he brushed off his hands and walked to the chest. "Well, better than nothing. Maybe there's rum in there. Do you think they'll be rum?" he asked and Mary pointed her sword to him before he could lay one hand on the chest.

"I'm afraid I can't let you have that, Sparrow."

Jack gave her a wicked grin and put his palms up and backed away a step, his gaze almost respectful. He tilted his head to the chest and added, "Won't be much good to ye, lass, seeing as I have the key to open it."

I shifted my feet and coughed.

"No you don't," I said. Jack looked at me as if I'd lost my mind as well as half of my blood supply.

"Yes I do!"

"No you don't."

"Yes I… no I don't," he finished dryly, once his empty pocket had been turned out. I shifted my feet again.

"You!" he said, and pointed a finger at me. I couldn't help but smile though the effort left me feeling weak.

"Pirate," I whispered, and God help me, he smiled back.

"So that's how it is then?" He said, turning back to Marie. "Captain Jack risks life and limb to save the lot of ye and this is how I'm repayed! Mutiny!" But he was still smiling.

Marie stepped closer and lowered her sword. Something about the way she looked at him made me feel the oddest twinge of jealousy.

"I want to thank you for your help, Captain Sparrow. Even if your intentions weren't honorable."

"I can assure you that they were not in the least bit honorable and I would love to have you…" he drawled the moment out to make her wonder, a tactic that worked… I knew by experience. "…_thank_ me."

Marie turned and held out her palm for the key, and I hesitated a moment before handing it to her. I didn't have the energy to be jealous, however, and deposited the key in her hand. I stepped back, feeling my knees buckle just a little, and Jack looked at me with a look of near concern. That moment faded as Marie opened the chest.

He tried to peek around her but she blocked his view, pulling out a small roll of fabric.

I knew what it was without even seeing it unrolled.

"I've heard stories about you, Captain Sparrow. There's a chest you need but it isn't this one."

He looked at her shrewdly, seeming to realize at the same moment that I did that there was more to this girl than what met the eye. How did she know about his deal with Davy Jones? He wasn't stupid enough to ask, as she still had his sword and the roll of fabric in her hand.

She handed him the cloth and he opened it with wide eyes.

It was the picture of the key that went to the Dead Man's Chest. So that was how he got that.

"Right then," he said, rolling it up quickly and stuffing it in his jacket pocket. "Anyone know the way out?"

There was a door leading out of the room and we all crossed the room to look out of it. It appeared we were at the top of the large staircase, with the coffins and another door across from us. At the bottom of the stairs, the mouth of the cave was closed off. Someone had apparently shoved the rock back in front of it. I pointed at the door opposite ours.

"Where does that door go? Can't you escape through there?" I asked Jack. He made a face.

"Could try, but I wouldn't want to. It's a prison above us, love. One of the worst sort. Full of pirates and guards that love to torture them."

I looked at him a moment longer, not sure if he was kidding.

"What crackpot buried a treasure under a prison full of criminals?" I asked, snorting before I realized that the crackpot in question was Marie's dead father. I grinned at her sheepishly but apparently she didn't understand the meaning of the phrase "crackpot" because she didn't kill me just then. Right. Back to THE PLAN. No more talking.

Then I took one look at the coffin and remembered the guard that had taken the coffin away earlier. Suddenly everything clicked together. I turned to Jack, excited even though I felt like I could fall over.

"I know! You can jump in one of those coffins! They're throwing them off into the sea… I know because I heard it earlier but I wasn't sure what it was! Then you can just float to the Black Pearl without anyone knowing you were here!"

Jack looked at me with narrowed eyes, as if he hadn't been thinking the exact same thing.

"What makes you think that would work?"

I smiled sadly.

"Saw it in a movie once."

He didn't understand me, but that didn't matter. He read the change of emotion on my face as simply as if I had sat down and told him all my deepest darkest secrets. I would miss that about him.

"So you're leaving me then?" he asked, and I sighed. My head felt light and I was weaving on my feet. The sudden tears in my eyes certainly didn't help matters either.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go with Maria, if that's ok." Maria nodded, not that it mattered. I wouldn't be going anywhere with her, not really. "I've got a feeling I'll be going home soon anyway," I amended. That was closer to the truth.

Jack gave me a look and when I didn't immediately move he smiled and tipped his head back. I drank in the sight of him: wicked grin, gleam in his eye, legs apart in a defiant stance. It was a look that a week ago I thought could only be seen on a poster, and my heart fluttered in my chest.

Jack tipped his hat a final time to me and turned to leave and that was it. That. Was. It. I didn't give a damn if it was Mary Sue or whatever. If I didn't give this man a real kiss before he left I would go insane!

"Jack!"

He turned and looked at me and for one moment, one heartbreak of a moment, he looked like he had been waiting for me to call him back.

"Yes?"

I stepped forward and nearly fell down from blood loss and anticipation. What little blood I had was pumping through my cheeks, fueling my hot blush. I made it all of two steps before I lost my nerve. I could apparently kick pirates in their genitals and talk back to people even under the threat of torture but taking the incintive to kiss someone who made me weak in the knees? That, apparently, was just too much.

I sighed and Jack said, "Oh bugger all."

The he grabbed me and gave me the kiss of a lifetime.

At the risk of sounding Goldylocks-ish, it was just right. Not too hard, but just passionate enough to not be too soft either. There were no promises of undying love, no aches and desires left unfulfilled. There was only what he was giving and what I was taking. And that was just fine.

He slipped his arms around me tighter and for a second the kiss became almost unbearably passionate. In the moment before he released me, my mouth opened and his tongue swept inside, searching all of me and making me moan. I wish I could crack jokes and pass off how Mary Sue our kiss probably was, or even make light of the emotion I was feeling just then, but I can't do that. Standing there… woozy from blood loss and covered in dirt… standing there with him after all that had happened… I had never felt so alive and well. It would be a sin to joke about such a pure, natural emotion as the one that was coursing through my veins in that moment, Mary Sue or not.

He released me and our mouths almost popped as we came apart. I stared at him, my lips hanging open and my hands clutching at his arms. I felt dizzy enough to fall over, and it wasn't just from my wound.

Jack smirked.

"Well now, I'd love to indulge you further love, but I believe I have a coffin to catch."

I smiled at him and black crowded around the edge of my vision. Having went through this not long before, I had a good idea what was getting ready to happen. Jack's smile dropped and I figured he had a pretty good idea too.

"Alright there, Mary?"

I felt myself slumping and he tightened his arms around me to catch my fall. Somehow I found the strength to smile at that, thinking:

'_Damsel in distress… right to the very end.'_

Then I passed out.

* * *

My first thought upon waking was that I must be dead, because only the dead slept the way I just had. Then the headache crept on and I realized with a slow dawning that I had a hangover. That didn't cross out death but it certainly crossed out Heaven. Surely hangovers weren't allowed within the pearly gates. 

So if it wasn't heaven, then it must be…

I cracked my eye open to see the soft glow of my laptop staring back at me, and it took me a moment after that to realize that I was sitting in the floor of my living room in my tank top and sleep pants. I sighed out loud, not having the nerve to move yet, and thought sadly, _'Just a dream. Best dream I ever had, but still just a dream, nonetheless.' _I gave that horrible thought a moment to set in.

I sat up off the keyboard then, groaning because it felt like I hadn't moved in a week, and looked again at the laptop.

My heart stopped.

Stopped, I tell you.

I scrolled up and down the Word document in disbelief, not understanding why there was nearly 100 pages of a story that I couldn't remember writing.

I picked out a passage to read, my mouth opening in shock and confusion:

_It was Captain Jack, but he wasn't even looking at me, let alone smiling. He was staring at his compass in deep concentration, shaking it a little when he didn't see what he wanted. Annoyed, he looked up at his men and waved his hand in that way of his, the way that was all Jack Sparrow and a little bit silly looking._

_"Stowaway then? Well, overboard with her mates, then back to yer places."_

I scrolled down more, skipping to halfway through.

_He was standing above me and although I didn't mind the view, I was annoyed at his attempt to intimidate me. I stood, my cheeks still flushed from the embarrassment of my overreaction, and the crews apparent delight from it. Some of them were still laughing. I suddenly felt overwhelmed with annoyance at the realization that I had spent the bulk of the past few days being scared out of my wits, running or being dragged from this or that. What kind of story was this anyway? What kind of LIFE was this? I knew from experience (from both reading and writing) that bad stories were written out of laziness: too lazy to write the character correctly, to lazy to do something right, etc. I now had a vague realization that life was the same way; that if you allowed yourself to be dragged around all the time and didn't actively participate in it that you could hardly complain about the outcome because it was your own damn fault if you didn't like what you ended up with. You had to take control to be happy. Your life was no one's responsibility but your own._

I sat back in the chair, my mind racing. Had it really happened? Had I been there with them and really lived that adventure? And if I hadn't, where the hell had this story come from?

"I can't believe this," I muttered, looking at the rows upon rows of letters, but then I smiled as that sunk in. I mean, really! I had just spent a week with pirates, chasing a treasure that had turned out to be nothing more than a scrap of cloth basically, and this was the part of it I just couldn't believe? A literary account of the events? That was where I drew the line?

I laughed and laughed until the laughter turned to tears and I couldn't remember what was so funny... laughed until the sadness from leaving had escaped me. I lifted my hand to wipe away my tears and I saw it: Jack's sash still wrapped tightly around my wrist. My heart contracted and I smiled through the tears.

I could remember our conversation that day on the Pearl with a clarity that was almost overwhelming... I didn't even need to look at the words on the page:

"_You should write a story about me, love," he said after a moment, slurring just a little. I would have laughed if I wasn't so flustered. _

_"I will," I said smartly, huffing. "And I'll make the last words 'Jack Sparrow was a good man.'"_

_"Now why would you tell a lie like that?" he asked me, quite seriously. Then he put one finger out, wagging it in my face. "Besides, I can't let you end it like that. That's a horrible ending."_

_"Oh really?" I asked, irritated for no particular reason. Apparently it was possible to be offended by constructive criticism for a story that didn't even exist. "And what would you suggest?" Jack threw out his arms and the rum sloshed over a little bit out of his right hand. _

_"That's easy!" Here there was a dramatic pause in which he got right up in my face, his lips a scant few inches from my own. He looked endlessly pleased with himself. "The. End." _

I wiped my eyes with the sash again, this time for different tears. I may not have been able to remember what I had for breakfast on any given morning, but I would remember his words forever.

Leaning forward, I typed:

_Jack Sparrow was a good man._

**THE END**

* * *

**AN:** Well, that's it. I hope you liked this little adventure and weren't too distracted by the unanswered questions I left, especially regarding our little Marie. I wanted to leave it open for a sequel, well, just in case. :) 

A big thank you to everyone who reviewed this story or added it as a favorite/alert. You can't know how much it meant to me, having you guys enjoy this silly little story with me. If you haven't reviewed so far, feel free to let me know if you liked the end (or if you didn't!) because I'd love to hear from you as well. With that being said, I hope you enjoyed the story and another thank you to everyone that read it and encouraged me to keep on.

Mattie


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